Another Perspective: If I were A Baby Again…

This is NOT the Blog-a-Ton 4 entry. The contest post can be found here.



Memories, they say, never fade. Oh, they are hidden, hidden under layers after layers of what the layman calls experience, and we call them new nodes of new memories. But they are all there, hiding somewhere beneath all those heaps of the every day, of the new, breathing only in the most remote subconscious, in the finer recesses of a human brain….



There are thoughts, and there are thoughts…. they say memories can be short term, long term, cognitive, spatial, explicit, implicit… there are so many secrets in that head…. And I wonder whether we know our own mind at the end of the day…. do we really know what we know??? Do we really forget what we think is forgotten? Can a brain forget unconditional love, happiness?? Does a heart??

Who knows… Science doesn’t…. Not yet.
……..
……..
……..

Just Another Insignificant day…


I entered my dark apartment, groped for the light, hit the switch, kept my bag and threw open my boots. I went and sprawled out in the rocking chair besides the veranda, overlooking the sea from 30 stories high, one of the best and most expensive views in the city. But who wanted to see that!

It was almost midnight. 

As of yesterday, my wife has left me. I say, it’s good riddance. She wasn’t worthy of me anyway. But it means I have to check whether the fridge is stocked or not. I don’t want to go out to buy food now.

But I didn’t get up. I felt so tired, and somehow it felt so unrelated to the gruelling day at work. Why does sometimes even everything seem to be nothing, absolutely nothing?

I laid back my head on the head rest, closed my eyes, and gave over to a compelling moment of self-pity.

I tried to remember the last time I had slowed down and looked around me. The last time when I wasn’t a participant in the everlasting race. When there was something to life, more than just money, power and success. The last time was happy. The last time some one had loved me. Just me. Without all the trappings.

I couldn’t. I pressed my eyelids harder, clenched my fists and thought even harder. There must be something. Anything. I sifted through the memories, pulling and prodding at whatever wisps I could grasp, clutching at every errant thought…. But there wasn’t to be. Nothing. Zilch.


Just… One single wayward thought… Just a shadowy breath of something close, something mine, yet… forgotten. A happy place? Something lurking, just beyond my grasp. An elusive sense of conviction. A thought of a warm, familiar pair of arms, holding me to a beating heart, a faint murmur of jingling bangles and a faraway tinkling, sweet laughter, igniting an undefined, alien peace deep within me. And a soft, crooning… lullaby?!!

My eyes snapped open. My heart was thumping arrhythmically. It felt as if I had been running these last few moments… 

A derisive laugh escaped my lips. My overworked brain, jilted sour-grapes attitude and an over-active imagination was playing tricks as usual… planting false memories! I chortled, but I willed myself to stop thinking. 

I got up with a sigh, and went to fix something to eat, while thinking about the upcoming presentation at office.

But somehow I couldn’t shake off that feeling of deja vu…
The resonance of that joyous laughter… 
Why did I feel like I have lost something?


P.S. This is was first written as a tired entry for Blog-a-Ton 4, when something better came along, thanks to Neha. This one is a very non-specific, complex array of an emotional turmoil in a mind. Do share your thoughts on this one, too. G.:) 
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About Guria

An Artist in Science - I am a Misfit 'cause I choose to be one. "Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time to reform" And I am a Maverick, because, I'm... umm... brilliant?
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20 Responses to Another Perspective: If I were A Baby Again…


  1. Just… One single wayward thought… Just a shadowy breath of something close, something mine, yet… forgotten. A happy place? Something lurking, just beyond my grasp. An elusive sense of conviction. A thought of a warm, familiar pair of arms, holding me to a beating heart, a faint murmur of jingling bangles and a faraway tinkling, sweet laughter, igniting an undefined, alien peace deep within me. And a soft, crooning… lullaby?!!

    Read that about 3 times ! Loved the tempo of it and how it is built up…

    Like

  2. Hehe.. this was also good girl.. totally different from the other one.. I did not know what to write on this topic and you have written two posts on this.. cool

    Like

  3. hey this is too good!! Actually I liked both..

    Like

  4. Neha says:

    I m getting a feeling of deja vu too…I think I have definitely read this somewhere…ummm, oh wait, yes, i remember now…U sent it to me 😛

    Like

  5. Tirtha says:

    yay! finally i m the first one to comment on one of ur posts!
    different perspective to the same topic..somethin i really wanted to see frm you!
    given a chance we wud all love to go back to our childhood days!
    thanx for presenting this strong longing we all have!

    Like

  6. Guria says:

    Heyy Madhu

    That paragraph you talked about was the one I spent most time on…
    Glad it was effective 😛
    Thankss 🙂

    Hi Avada Kedavra

    Girl, I was in no mood to participate, half because of the topic. This was my first pathetic attempt till the other (better) one came along, thanks to Neha! 😛 🙂
    Thanks re! 🙂
    P.S> Now who has the butter factory, by the way? 😛 😀

    Hiya Raji

    Girl, you spoil me. Actually, it is too philosophical 😛
    But, thanks re!! 😛 🙂

    Hey there Neha

    Very funny girl! And thank God I sent it to you, and thus a beeter one took birth! 😛 😀
    Okay, don't hit me!! 😀

    Like

  7. Guria says:

    Tirtha, I moderate comments, the others were not published. So you are still not the first! 😛 😀
    Well, different I can dish out… And I know you want “someone” to be a kid again, even if it's not you! 🙂

    Like

  8. u know this was a better entry..that others!!

    Like

  9. Guria says:

    Heyy Sid

    Thanks 🙂
    But, to be really honest, it is very difficult to understand what I portrayed, as a lot is there in what is unsaid. It's lot more complex. 😛
    So, it might not have been an apt contest post. 🙂

    Like

  10. Hi Guria,

    Its been quite some time that i visited ur space.. nice to see u cming back with this blog-a-ton entry..

    This time i have not yet read any entries of this 4th series..will do it soon..

    Take gare gal..

    Like

  11. Guria says:

    Thanks, Roshmi 🙂

    Hey Pramoda

    Good to have you back! 🙂
    This is actually not the contest post… do read that one, it is a funny take on things.
    You too take care, girlie 🙂

    Like

  12. 🙂 you are my inspiration!! (for butter)

    Like

  13. Shruti says:

    I really envy you Guria! The best post from you! It really has many underlying things! I don't know whether you penned it in a way to make others realise! Too good!
    Ohhh… This is the natural flow of writing! I can't compare my pathetic attempts with anyone!
    S****, AWESOME!

    Cheers!

    Like

  14. RSV says:

    I read it once…in my cellphone…
    I read it again…in my laptop…
    I took a print out of it…I read it again..
    I read it loudly just to enjoy it more fervently..
    but….

    Like

  15. Guria says:

    Hey Avada Kedavra

    You are doing pretty well yourself! (in butter) 😉

    Heyy Shruti

    Trying your hand at butter too?? 😉
    By the way, you are right, there ARE a lot of things unsaid that I deliberately left. 🙂
    I didn't submit as a contest post it as I thought people will ahve trouble understanding the essence of it. 😛

    Err… RSV

    But you still don't understand it? Right?? 😀 😉

    Like

  16. Aditya says:

    Very well written and I love the idea behind it also. I am surprised why you didn't develop this more because I think you started this with “if I was a baby” theme in mind right?. Personally, If you had developed this story even further, with the talent you possess, this piece would be a sure winner on hand!

    What i wanted to say is, you have already written it wonderfully but even you know that the idea of the story is still incomplete and still inside your mind. Get that out too dear 🙂

    Like

  17. Guria says:

    Hey Aditya

    You are very right, I did have something more intricate in mind… but I was too tired on that day to work on it. And now, I don't think I really have the energy to do it all over again.. 😛 🙂
    But I will try, some time 🙂
    Thanks, especially about the 'talented' part…lol..! 😉

    Like

  18. Maverick,
    Stopped by for your RSS feed, just wanted to let you know that the RSS button in the header errors out(unless it was me !).

    Btw, I second all that Aditya said. Why do you think I call thee Maverick 🙂 ?

    Like

  19. Guria says:

    Heyy Madhu

    I just cannot manipulate that RSS in the header to work! 😦
    I will still try to make it functional… actually I am not good with these things 😛
    And as for, calling me Maverick, Aditya thinks too highly of me, and I have no idea whether I'm soo deserving… 😛 🙂
    But, thank you… I am very, very, very much honoured! 🙂

    Like

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