If I were A Baby Again….

This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a-Ton 4; the fourth edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

Ouuuuuuuccccchhhh”, I gasped, well, of course as silently as possible, without opening my mouth, as one couldn’t do so without choking on water, in here. And anyway, when you hit a guy there, the yell ensuing is hardly audible.

Damn, I hate this life, stuck inside this, this bag full of icky sticky fluid and Sid always punching mom’s stomach, and somehow always manages to find that part. So what if I am protected by thick layer(s) of fats, it still hurts. And it’s not funny. I keep moving, changing my position constantly, as much as I as allowed to, but try living in here for a change. No room to stretch out at all, what was this bag-maker thinking? God, please take me out of here soon, I can’t take this any more. 

Life is painfully pathetic in here. It is barely what it is hyped to be, trust me! I have to have all kinds of food in one state, and no taste! Mom hogs so many dishes, I cannot even smell them, but I have to keep hearing about them, alright. I keep hitting on her walls, with so much space in here, it’s hard not to, and she giggles thinking that I am listening to her and understanding what she is trying to say, or craving for something to eat. It is so very frustrating.

Only today I felt something pressing against me, my stomach and I couldn’t control. I have reflexes too, and yes, I farted, I had to. And the result? Well, Dad actually started dancing gleefully and thought I responded to him and spoke to him. For God’s sake, it was you  pressing against me, and I was the one who ended up bearing the pathetic stink! God, when will you make these elders wise? Will they never grow up?? Send me out, I will make them wise enough for sure.

Thirty Two years later:

My wife Neha, she is expecting our second kid in another month or so. Within a  few days, we will be blessed with our second child.  When my first child Guria was born, I was abroad on a tour working, and was back only after she was a week old. Oh, I so used to miss those precious moments when Guria was inside her womb. The first time when Neha had felt Guria’s kicks inside her stomach, I had felt like leaving my job behind and running back home. Everyone around had rejoiced. And I was slogging in the foreign land unable to be with Neha when she needed me the most, unable to share those cherished moments of our life. But this time I am where my family needs me, Neha needs me, with a promotion to the boot and a comfortable, teetering on luxurious, life, happily waiting for the much awaited, joyous moment together.

Our three-year old Guria keeps patting her Mamma’s stomach wondering why it is so big. These pats are a bit hard- almost like a slap on Neha’s stomach- though it does make Neha a bit uncomfortable, but they are not hard enough to hurt the baby inside as he is well protected there. 

This morning I rested my head on Neha’s abdomen, and was it my imagination or the baby did make a sound, as if he knew, it was his Papa? But whatever it was, the feeling in my heart was incomparable, my hear felt as if it would burst with happiness. I’d never felt so very content and blessed in my life before.

I laughingly told my brother that, I so wish I were a baby again, enjoying all this attention and pampering even before birth, with no worries about feeding the family, work, the future, and only getting mother’s protection, warmth and everyone’s love, all the time. Sid jokingly retorted, that all this love and attention was going to make the baby spoiled even before he is born.

Guria suddenly left her toys and came running to Neha. The usual hard pats landed on Neha’s stomach, and we were all laughing again.

“Eeeeoowwwww” I gasped silently inside Mamma’s stomach. Guria always has to hit me there! Damn you! On the very day I come out, I will kill you, Guria! Just wait!!
P.S. Nomenclature
  • Neha and Guria, the blogger masterminds behind this write-up. 
  • Sid, the one who wants to kill them both. 😉

The fellow Blog-a-Tonics who took part in this Blog-a-Ton and links to their respective posts can be checked here. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

About Guria

An Artist in Science: A Misfit 'cause I choose to be one. "Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time to reform" And a Maverick, because, I'm... umm... brilliant?
This entry was posted in BAT, Contests, Laughs. Bookmark the permalink.

67 Responses to If I were A Baby Again….

  1. Tirtha says:

    well! i was really interested to see how you present this topic!(reasons..ah..u know…:D)
    as versatile as u are..this was a bit different frm ur other posts….thoroughly entertaining..i must say!


  2. Guria says:

    Hi Rajlakshmi

    Thanks dear! It just happened! 😛 🙂

    Hey Aneet

    Thanks for quoting, but was indeed very misleading! I could have started to jump before realizing you were only “quoting”! lol… 😀
    Thanks all the same! 🙂


    Don't put ideas in my head. I may be a very moody commentator, but I also do have the ability to haunt comment boxes! 😛 😀
    and I really want/hope that second comment to come true, a reason why I didn't vote for you! Superstition! 😛


    Oye don't flatter me! otherwise I will start calling you Butter-Queen! 😀
    Thanks girlie!! 🙂


  3. Guria says:

    Tirtha, this is my blog!! People read it! 😛 😛
    Entertaining is good, but it doesn't reflect my life! 😉 🙂
    So, now you are a regular commentator on top of everything, huh? 😛 😀


  4. neeraj says:

    Funny Indeed! :))


  5. Raksha Raman says:

    OMG!! This is an awesome write up! I throughly enjoyed it from start to finish! I'm happy for you and your family! Best wishes to Neha for her delivery! And Congratulations to you! Blog-a-ton couldn't have given a better topic than this one in your case! Good luck!


  6. Raksha Raman says:

    Oops! Is this fiction?? Its so convincingly written! For a moment I thought it was all true like I said in my previous comment! The whole Guria,Neha,Sid set up! You're brilliant!! Keep at it!Very different approach! Not surprised Sid wants to kill both Neha & Guria 😛 Enjoyed this post throughly…Good luck with Blog-a-ton by the way!


  7. Guria says:

    Hey Neeraj

    Welcome to MM, buddy! 🙂
    And thanks.

    Hi Raksha

    A very very warm welcome aboard MM 🙂
    I thought you were pulling my leg with the first comment! 😛 😀
    This is the last thing I expected as a compliment was “realistic” 😀
    Thanks a lot, and yes, its pure fiction, thank God! And Guria is Neha's kid! I have no idea who tha narrator aka Neha's hubby is. 😛 😀
    But I'll pass on your wishes to Neha all the same!! 😀 😀
    Thanks for the follow too! 🙂


  8. ARJuna says:

    Thank you for your words of appreciation. The fact that you liked my writing is in itself the best award I can get.


  9. chandrasegar says:

    a very hilarious post all the way


  10. Humour at its best!

    This blog-a-ton has seen various interpretations of “baby”. Yours is unique (so far). No one really took 'baby' as a to-be-born – though in our normal life we do refer to to-be-born as baby. Nice thought.

    Showing the same soul to have different feelings before and after birth was really good. Also, the way you wrote it – made it a fun read. Definitely one of the better posts on this topic


  11. Neha says:

    Raksha, you gave this post a new height…thank u for tht…and I will surely take ur good wishes for now and use them whenever I am going to have a baby 🙂

    thanks a bunch again :)))


  12. Guria says:

    Hey ARJuna

    That's saying too much, buddy! But I am touched… 🙂
    And it is VERY true that your writing has hope, innocence, in addition to colourful imagination, the things not every writer can incorporate. 🙂

    Hello Chandrasegar

    Welcome to MM, Sir! I am pleased that you enjoyed the read. Thanks! 🙂

    Hello Prashant Mehta

    Firstly, Welcome aboard on MM! 🙂
    Secondly, thanks for the long comment. They make me very happy!! 🙂
    and finally, THANK YOU!! For the nice words! What can I say, the inspiration was bang on! And writing my passion! 😛 🙂

    Hiya Neha

    After seeing your comment above! Allow me to CONGRATULATE you too 🙂
    Keep it in your locker till the right time comes, okk?? 😀


  13. Neha says:

    U and your congratulations…god, I think the whole world will now know for sure that i m preggers WHEN I AM NOT…god, please save me from this MMM..{} – consider this as my folded hands…i am pleading..


  14. Forget about voting, what do I need to do to get you to haunt my blog ? 🙂

    My next post : An Ode to Guria ? Kidding..


  15. HaRy!! says:

    whats the verdict finally? who won.. 😀 we hav the best contender…truly the farting and dad assuming was the best part :D..made my day


  16. pRiYaN...! says:

    great writing !!
    i love your blog !


  17. Sree says:

    ROFL!! Man…the inaudible painful shout!! 😀
    Hilarious post…hats off to the masterminds! 😀


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