55-Fiction #1

A 55-fiction expert (read: Shruti at Hits and Misses) told me to try them myself. I was completely unsure of myself and had been spinning many, all lame, in my head, when suddenly inspiration hit me! This is my first attempt, only posted as I think it might have some semblance to good writing (to be honest).
What I now want is for every reader to be completely honest, brutally so. Please I need your opinion and advice too. Good, bad, ugly- doesn’t matter and I’ll publish every comment. Promise!
Since Blog-world is indeed under the 55-fiction siege, who am I to resist it!
Here goes.
“The Last Act”

With unfathomable eyes she watched as he walked down the wet, broken path, shoulders slumped, believing every untruth she had uttered. Heโ€™d never look for her again. Heโ€™d forget and love again. He would never know that there were only a few days left. For her. And as the tears brimmed over, inexplicably, she smiled.

~~~

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About Guria

An Artist in Science - I am a Misfit 'cause I choose to be one. "Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time to reform" And I am a Maverick, because, I'm... umm... brilliant?
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36 Responses to 55-Fiction #1

  1. Shruti says:

    Hey girlie!!
    Thanks for all those nice words about me in the beginning!!
    Hey am not a 55Fiction expert, jus an amateur with experience!

    Coming to your 55F!
    Girl don't tel its your first attempt! Its awesome!! Careful etching of words!!

    Very good attempt!!

    Check out my blog!
    I have something for you!

    Keep smiling!

    Like

  2. Neha says:

    now tht's talent…wow…it was so expressive…loved it..

    Like

  3. soin says:

    the binary ending cliche..free

    Like

  4. Kaka says:

    brilliant start….:)..i am speaking the truth unlike her..:P…u talk of 55 fictions like 20-20 had on cricket..:P…do write more….

    P.S : sorry , i am unable to keep up with all ur posts…not much time..i will try to be updated…:)

    Like

  5. y did she smile??? y dont i understand girls??? ๐Ÿ˜ฎ

    Like

  6. rimz says:

    very nice. short yet compact.

    Like

  7. very good attempt dear.

    you should do more.

    Like

  8. HaRy!! says:

    wowowow… sixer of the first ball…so beautiful post! and the pic matches!! take care…btw chek out ma blog…cya

    Like

  9. VISHNU says:

    a good start.. a typical bollywood 55.. continue writin more 55s..

    Like

  10. R S V says:

    I came here from Hits and Misses..
    specializes in poems….said she…
    But with with time she will add……. well adept in 55…

    he would realize her love when she will leave the world…

    Like

  11. Maverick says:

    Brutally honest, huh…..!!!!!

    Well ur 1st attempt is commendable coz in those 55 words u hav captured da essence of da situation! nd beautifully so!

    fr me fiction 55s shld b more abt a detached view of things so dat virtually everything is left to da readers imagination! nd u hav dun it here! a brilliant 1st attempt!

    ders always scope fr improvement….yet dis is very good in itself! likd it! ๐Ÿ™‚

    Like

  12. Yellow Tulip says:

    wow…i loved it:)..beautiful dear..

    Like

  13. Aditya says:

    Very well written. Proves we dont have to write essays and essays to convey a meaning/story. Great ๐Ÿ™‚

    Like

  14. Guria says:

    Thanks everyone! For all the kind words!

    Shruti
    Neha
    rimz
    Rohini
    Yellow Tulip
    Kaka
    RSV
    Aditya

    Thanks for the wondrous words of encouragement! But I doubt it when the next one will come! ๐Ÿ˜›

    Like

  15. Guria says:

    @ Sid

    Yeah, why did she smile? Kya pata! I just wrote what I saw! ๐Ÿ˜€

    @ HaRy

    The nexr one will be a sixer off a no-ball and then nowadays there are free-hits! ๐Ÿ˜€
    But… errr, you might have to wait a while! lol!

    @ Vishnu

    Thanks for liking the 55-fiction!
    Tell me something is anything akin to emotional has to be Bollywood! Why can't that be Hollywood? Or anything else for that matter? Or we are not real people? ๐Ÿ™‚

    @ My Namesake

    I love the comments you leave. Thanks for saying there's room for more. Really wouldn't want this to be the limit! And your commendations are very valuable! Thanks again! ๐Ÿ™‚

    @ soin

    Cliche huh? I love cliches, don't you? ๐Ÿ™‚
    After all my whole life is full of them… happily ever after… and all that! ๐Ÿ™‚
    Wait a moment, isn't life itself one?
    Even the cynic is a cliche! lol! ๐Ÿ˜€

    Like

  16. soin says:

    nope i dont love cliches..happily ever after?? till when the after point lasts..and if life is a cliche are you suggesting that the word unique,individual hold no sway over our lives..and why the mention of cynic here..free

    Like

  17. 55s were unknown to me, until now, so color me impressed! I'm amazed how you told a complete story, full of emotion and an ironic twist that leaves me wondering about their past and their futures… so well done!!
    Glad you found my blog. I see you're in India, a country I'm enchanted with but have yet to travel to. It's on my list!!

    Like

  18. Guria says:

    @ soin

    Yeah, happily ever after indeed! It bears on your outlook how after! ๐Ÿ˜€
    I am a very logical person so I know there's logic in the illogic! But that's metaphysics! lol! So I don't think I can explain to you,till when the after point lasts! What are ponts in the infinite, space or time?! lol!

    And 'life' isn't a cliche? When was the last time it used as just the scientific word it is? Is its meaning individual and unique and not overused? define life for me then please, maybe I don't know! ๐Ÿ™‚

    Take no offence please, but this is just for the sake of the conversation! ๐Ÿ™‚

    Am having fun!

    By the way, why do you always write “free”?

    Like

  19. SiMbA tAgO says:

    hey dera .. excellent psot… and cant believe itsa start 55F… uhave really wrote awesome…

    and rewarded for it too..

    u have been tagged …. check my post

    Like

  20. soin says:

    of course just for fun.so no offense.
    the ever after needs atleast to be around some arbitary point in the line of time.and if there is logic in it why do u term it illogical..metaphysics??dont try and give it a fancy name(no offense..russell peters)defining life am too small for it..but living a cliched life.. that depends on the camera and screenplay..
    and about free..see http://vishvaksaen.blogspot.com/2009/04/philosophy-of-free.html
    free

    Like

  21. Guria says:

    Hahaha! You didn't get what I was saying! There is no single point, it is always. Infinite. If you really want a point, then it is when I learned to live, literally!
    And metaphysics is not a fancy name, as you say it, but it really exists. And there is logic in illogical. Why is it then called illogical? Because it is judged by the person who is looking at it. What is illogical or cliched to you may not be so to me! Like the 55 fiction, you didn't like the ending, others did, for whatever reasons, but both are right in their own way. Someone's logic seems illogical to you? So what is logic and illogic, is it in black and white? Can anything ever be!
    And who's talking about living a clichรฉd life??? Life is a clichรฉ when you say “mere life mein itni problem hain”, “life ne mere sath aisa kiya”, “yeh meri life hain, mein jo chahun karoonga' etc etc. ๐Ÿ™‚
    Whatever… I'm preaching! ๐Ÿ˜›
    It was fun having this conversation! ๐Ÿ™‚

    Like

  22. Guria says:

    @ One Sassy Girl

    I am doubly glad now that I found your blog! ๐Ÿ™‚
    I wanted to write a post on that topic you talked about! But wasn't sure how sensitive the male readers of my blog are! ๐Ÿ˜›
    So had to refrain. But it made me a fan of your sass a'rite! ๐Ÿ™‚
    I'm honoured to have you on my blog!! ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Like

  23. pra says:

    Good start! I am also new to this thing!But I think You expressed yourself nicely in this one!!

    Like

  24. soin says:

    fancy name-see russell peters to undrstnd..and the thing you say the same thing i meant by camera and splay.anyways one deosnt have to win every argument.we can always agree to disagree.free

    Like

  25. Sourav !!! says:

    Wish there were few more words to your fiction … “And that was just a joke” ! ๐Ÿ˜ฆ .. yeah I wish, I don't like sad endings !

    Wonderful attempt @ 55, and I'm sure you'll be doing it much better ๐Ÿ™‚

    take care ! ๐Ÿ™‚
    ———————————–

    “Oh just leaving a comment to tell you, that you are in my list for an award! Simply for Torture!!! ๐Ÿ˜€
    Oh, also 'cause I like your blog! lol!” – the comment on my blog ..

    Where is the TORTURE and most importantly the award ๐Ÿ˜ฆ ??

    Sourav…in love with me and life

    **Reply on my chat box**

    Like

  26. Sourav !!! says:

    You are in my hit-list, would send Osama, Bin and Laden, all three together to your place to give you “Get well soon Maamu” flowers !! ๐Ÿ˜›

    P.S. Never knew Osama, Bin and Laden are three different people ! ๐Ÿ˜›

    *sigh* you still don't see any award on my blog !! ๐Ÿ˜›

    Like

  27. Sourav !!! says:

    Don't dare stick a stick on thr back .. I meant, don't hit them ๐Ÿ˜›

    P.S. Send me a req on Orkut or facebook, if you don't mind, coz it's better talking there, and would obviously love to know you more ๐Ÿ™‚

    You can get the links to my a/c's thru my blog … expect to see you soon there ๐Ÿ˜›

    Like

  28. Paritosh says:

    Hmmm… Touching.. Very touching indeed. Though I don't agree with the girls decision. Think what the guy will feel when he comes to know the truth (which he WILL in this age of IT, social media and what not). Anyways, each to his own.

    BTW, I am following you and have blogrolled you. Cheers!!

    Like

  29. CHECK THE COMMENT SECTION OF THE BLOG A TON VOTING POST. Vipul HAS OPENED THE COMMENT SECTION FOR PUBLIC VIEWING…..SEE WHAT I HAD WRITTEN ABOUT YOU………….

    Like

  30. Shilpa Garg says:

    Kahani mein Twist!!
    Damn good! ๐Ÿ™‚
    A wonderful first attempt!
    Keep writing more!! ๐Ÿ™‚

    Like

  31. Guria says:

    @ Paritosh

    I agree. I'll add the date next time and make it to the 19th century!
    I think that should do it. Just because 55-F is of 21st century's, the story doesn't have to be so. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Thanks for following and blogrolling me! Am honoured! ๐Ÿ™‚

    Like

  32. Guria says:

    @ Shilpa-ji

    Thanks a lot, Ma'am! Praises from you are all the encouragement I need. Please come back again. Really appreciate your words! ๐Ÿ™‚
    Thank you, again.

    Like

  33. Hey Sreya…….can i quote few stanzas from ur Blog-a-ton 2 post in my next post??

    i wanna say why i voted for u in my next post.

    Cheers

    Like

  34. Singh Amit says:

    touching and poignant… ๐Ÿ™‚
    Loved it..

    Cheers!!

    Like

  35. Samadrita says:

    Of the two I like this one the best.Keep writing ๐Ÿ™‚

    Like

  36. Srivatsan says:

    it is hard to reject when someone loves us!:(

    nice 55!:)

    Like

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