Part-3: The Calm

Posted on September 17, 2010 by Guria
“So you have a girlfriend?”
I smiled over the onions and replied without looking up, “Yeah.”
“Oh, where is she?”
“Hmm, about six hours away. By flight.”
“You must be missing her terribly, wouldn’t you?”
This time I laughed, “You have no idea!”
I wasn’t being very verbose but that wasn’t a deterrent for this girl as we ambled about in our small kitchen, preparing our dinner. She wasn’t as reticent as I had previously thought, just careful with apparent strangers.
It was almost two weeks since we had first met and her headache of an uncle had finally left us. If I hadn’t known better, I’d have said he made his living ‘playing house’. But he made enough mentions of his brilliant deals and expertise in every imaginable field to make me discard that possibility. Avisa and I hadn’t managed to talk much, didn’t realize that we hadn’t talked much till her uncle left us, it seemed he done a great job filling up all the void spaces in the conversations.
But strangely enough, we weren’t really uncomfortable with the sudden drop in the noise level in our new home. We seemed already adapted in some weird way to each other. Probably we were more suited than I could have hoped for! Moving from little conversations to long-winded personal stuffs seemed almost natural, an onlooker would have thought that we’d been together from almost forever, and it was all because of her.
“So do you guys plan to marry?”
“How soon?” she asked as soon as I nodded.
This time I looked at her and smiled, “After you and I are done, I guess.”
She didn’t smile. She gave a small shake of her head and turned away. I belatedly started comprehending that she might not be as fast as her old hometown. I started making light of the joke, “Already so eager to get rid of me? There’s still a few years till you’ll be free of me.”
This time she managed a wry smile. “I could do worse.” she said saucily and went to lset the table.
That night as I lay to sleep, the last few days’ non-stop toil catching up with me, I let myself drift, a rare luxury.
The plan was moving along fine. It seemed I had panicked. The haunting similarities were only superficial, I assured myself. There was no one on this face of the earth who’d ever compare in any way, mostly the worse ones, to that girl I’d once known. I think I’d almost manage the few years we’d signed up for. Of course, living with another unknown human being wasn’t easy. Though to console myself I’d looked at it as good practice for the future. Maina was enthusiastic about what we’d planned. But then she didn’t know about my nightmare either.
I wasn’t sure if I knew it myself, how my nightmare was resurrecting in the room across mine, and crossing over through the open doors. Sometimes it’s not just the dead who haunts.

Posted in Creations, Novelette, People and Relationships, Series | 8 Comments

Part-2: Starting Over?

Posted on September 14, 2010 by Guria
“Avisa?”

“Sharan?”

We both smiled politely and nodded at each other. Between two people who meet for the first time while knowing that their lives from then on will be irrevocably changed, there’s nothing much to talk about and the silence that follows is welcomed.

Zero expectations. That was our unwritten pact. And useful too. I didn’t have to think about who we were, what I was supposed to be and of course, what was expected of me. Experiences had taught me to be wary of myself. And the lack of expectations meant I was shielding myself too. It was a two-way street.

We had met for breakfast. She was alone, tentative, visibly trying hard to overcome her reticence and scrutinizing me as closely as I was her. But I was definitely the more bruised and hardened of the two, and so I had to take the lead.

The breakfast hall was crowded, and a lone table with two empty high chairs sat in a far corner. She looked expectantly at me, unsure. I smiled lightly and steered her that way.

The buffet spread was simple. Remembering my manners, I allowed her to precede me. But every now and then she’d look behind to see what all I was piling on my plate. My hands were all clammy, and I was being clumsy. I knew the idea was going to backfire. It was going to be a disaster, and there was no choice but to go ahead and get burned.

And that was before her uncle came and joined us. I was too conscious and careful of her to be distracted by his presence. I extended a hurried greeting and returned to poking my food with refined but usually unused table-manners. He sat at another table. He wanted to talk to me as much as I did. Which should have made us great table partners for there’s no better meal than a silent on, but small talk was required. Especially between her and I. So, at least one person could eat in peace. While we decided on what we wanted done and when we wanted them.

But we didn’t get talking that much. That fault could have been mine, I had never been much of a talker. Though I felt embarrassed about my obtrusive silence, later I was glad that at least I had one peaceful meal before knowing how one simple arrangement could go drastically wrong.

And that was still before the similarities started gaining on me and had me doubting my brilliant plan for the first time. There have been arranged marriages. But it is not everyday that you arrange to live together.

Posted in Creations, Novelette, People and Relationships, Series | 3 Comments

Part-1: Impressions

Posted on September 13, 2010 by Guria
At first I thought it was a recurring nightmare, and that I had been transported back in space and time to all that I wanted to forget. It wasn’t just disappointment that coursed through my veins, it was an utter horror that it was happening again. Again.

Oh, I have “been there, done that” and that’s what I would say if anyone asked. I would not hesitate to say that yes, that lesson has been learned, thoroughly. But I knew I was still vulnerable. Very, very vulnerable. It’s some stupid thing about when your heart’s involved.

The fear that surged when I glimpsed her was quenched in the next moment when I realized, it couldn’t be her. I knew where she was, and it wasn’t with me! While the skinny girl standing some ten feet away looking towards the bank of elevators waited. I had come in from another entrance that she wasn’t supposed to know about. She had arrived just yesterday. She was looking around when she suddenly spotted me, and smiled haltingly. She couldn’t have missed me, as I had been staring at her intently.

Her smile was as uncertain as I was feeling. After all, she didn’t know me either. But I felt more than just the weightlessness of zero expectations, I felt trapped in a deja vu, deflated in a most peculiar way. As if I still wanted her to be the person I had sworn to forget, the person who seemingly I had forgiven and put aside. And maybe life isn’t that simple.

And so the journey began.

Posted in Creations, Novelette, People and Relationships, Series | 6 Comments

What happens when you CRASH

Posted on September 9, 2010 by Guria
You can say it’s the Indiblogger rank, or the “brand-new” second-hand car… so what really happens when you plummet, spin out of your own control and crash? You learn.
I am being unintentionally funny. Which I don’t think I’ll apologize for.
There was a time I’d blog for others, which obviously wasn’t me really ‘writing’…. and I hated it so damn much, but was an addict to the networking and sucking-up to and fro not-so-pretty dimension of blogging. More I starved for that, the less I could or did write. There’s some things you don’t do because others are on the opposite side listening, waiting. And obviously you definitely can’t do them right when done for attention. But after a long time of an inward chastising, not-so-cleansing catharsis, I have finally been exorcised. All I needed was not being able to write. And it was enough.
We know every rule, every philosophy, but we don’t really seem to understand them till it happens to us like the one in this case- trying to understand what you do, why you do, what it is to you till you can’t really do it any more…
So now I write from my desk in my lab while everyone else has gone to lunch, I post them via emails and don’t even visit my blog page; and maybe the very rare few comments that pop-up, I moderate from my emails feeling a tinge of guilt, not knowing when I’ll reply, but a happiness that some do care for me as who I am and not my popularity, as I am neither witty nor famous nor great, nor ‘unputdownable’ and of course, not a regular reader for quite some time now.
And funnily I’m lighter and I’m happier and lo, I can write! Something that makes me content.
And I am glad I finally found myself, again, from the dredges of lost and misdirected priorities. Yeah, I am back to loving myself.
P.S. I think I really, really want to go to Ireland. Irish people seem to be really awesome!
Posted in The Other Side of the River | 16 Comments

One step at a time….

Posted on September 8, 2010 by Guria
I wanted to stop, anything to make the pain go away. I wanted to drop and let the tears comes uninhibited. I felt the shame but it was overshadowed with the cruelty of where I was. I was in pain, it hurt inside, it hurt outside and all I wanted was to go home. The long day had been hard, when is it never, and the day was coming to a close, all I wanted was to snuggle and rest, and fly into the sense-less oblivion. I wanted to fight but didn’t have the energy, didn’t have the strength. Yeah, I need to go home, really go home and rest.
But I couldn’t stop, couldn’t drop down on the road, for home was still a mile away. And yeah, I was stubborn, I wouldn’t give up before I was there. So, one step at a time, as if there was no pain throbbing away, as if there was no force pulling me the other way. One step at a time. Count them one by one. One goes and I am nearer to slipping into all peace and waking only just when the sun comes again, bright and shining, with the new day………
And yes, I know I won’t stop and I am nearing my place!
P.S. It’s hard being a city girl in a small town walking uphill everyday.
Posted in Philosophy, The Other Side of the River | 5 Comments

Return

Posted on September 4, 2010 by Guria

This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a-Ton 14; the fourteenth edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

The life around was changing its garb, donning on the fall colours in return for the summer palette. The wind was persistent in its own silent music as the tall trees swayed slightly as if dancing to the wind’s notes playing in their heads. The sun was a warm companion on my back as I walked on. And that sixth sense tingling somewhere, I could feel the air around me changing, with the slowly, imperceptibly but insistent losing warmth.

The new land was beautiful. Life, so easy. People warm. Everything so drastically different yet so much more beautiful in its distinction from what we had known all our lives. 

We were in a land of promises kept, we gloated amongst ourselves. A land of opportunity, realizing dreams, success and money. A new land. Breaking away from the old, the used, the rotten into a new birth in a single life… We rejoiced, we preened in our shared prides, sense of accomplishment. We cheered, we patted one another and we smiled around. We are here. Yes, we had made it.

And the golden, magnificent dusk slowly gave way to the wondrously dark evening dotted with the sprinkling of stars in the clear, black night sky.

The wind was still playing its never-ending orchestra when we bid each other goodbye to return to our new places. Home, they say. 

Congratulations with champagne. You could only see excitement and happiness still eloquent in our faces as we walked back, each in a different direction, shielded against the fast dropping temperature and the demanding, strong wind.

Years to be spend in the land of glory. Years away from our ugly, opportunistic, ungrateful land, miles away from the uncaring, cold people, seasons away from the hardships and tribulations and losses. Years from ever to hope of returning to all the left behind misery. As we all turned in to our beds that night, each thought that he was the only one who dripped unconscious, unstoppable tears into his pillow.

There was nothing, would never be, anything as beautiful, as enticing as my ugly land, my indifferent people. My real home.

P.S. There is nothing else I found that I could write about. I didn’t write this for BAT but the BAT topic did seem apt for it, in a way… and I do feel bad when I am not a part of BAT.

The fellow Blog-a-Tonics who took part in this Blog-a-Ton and links to their respective posts can be checked here. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

Posted in BAT, Contests, India, The Other Side of the River | 21 Comments

Tired and Unimpressed

Posted on August 20, 2010 by Guria
Well, I am impressed! I just found out a solution to all those fairness creams we advertise. Yes, you heard me right, I, indeed, have semi-discovered the secret to being fair- just travel West!

After two flights across most oceans (not the Pacific, thank gawd!), I realized being fair is a cakewalk. A first-class airline, of course with cattle-class seats, with the untimely, ungodly, terrible tasting fried food that they serve is sure to give you a nice, jittery and overly-buttery feeling in your stomach (that’s why they keep their toilets so beautifully clean as whatever else you may not visit, that you surely will!) that makes you have an even more uncomfortable sleep, and an even less inclination to eat anymore. So, in all your face develops a pasty look, over the 24+ hours period. Add to that the changing time-frame. Set your watch as many times as you want, suddenly you’ll forget what and which time your damned watch is showing! So, your face gets drained of blood, and not much nutrition reaches your brain, and lo! you are a tone fairer in 24 hours!

But that’s not all. I can make you fairer even still.

Chapped lips that seem pink (now how did that happen?!), a weak sun that shines brightly but erm, aren’t you also supposed to be hot? Flushed face, every time you’ll land that’s a common colour, that makes you pink, a colour you dream of when you dream of those blue-eyed eye candies, and sometimes the face completely drained of colour when you look at a the price of a bottled water. Of course, if you don’t know the golden rule of not multiplying every dollar you spend with 45, 47 or even 50. But well, you still might. Baser pleasures, you see.

And you think you look horrid, till you reach the mirror and see whoa! you are pretty?!*%!#@*#$!!??

Wonder what would have happened if you were born in the West then? Hellooo, melanin-lack! 


The Chronicle 



Two boring and uneventful flights. Though I dunno what I mean by the last but yeah, on hindsight I am glad it was uneventful. Terrible food too. Landed at the correct time and I lifted all three pieces of luggage by myself. Met, and chatted throughout the flight, a 21-year old Chennai engineer going for his MS to another campus of the same university. He was really nice and very chatty.The shuttle-ride was cool too. Got a van from a limousine service. Sigh! Glimpsed a few cool cars all driven by oldies (is this what the world’s coming to?!). Made several international calls, emailed most who’d be anxious. I was so tired that I had to forgo a complimentary dinner in the ultra-expensive hotel. I know I am gonna regret that but I’ll save it for later. My awesome seniors got me food, and I survived on that. The hotel room is actually a suite, liked it! Spent $5.75 today to buy junk food. The damn 25cents coin that the girl returned only has etchings and drawings on both sides of the coin, and the words ‘QUARTER DOLLAR’ just printed below on one-side. I dunno, but would it have been too much to etch the number too? Yeah, i am grumpy. But I have got M&M and a fat bottle of Pepsi!! Been Skype-ing all night and day. Feeling a lot better after that. Right now, I am waiting for my roomy to arrive… It will be much, much better after she’s here. I have a partiality for Mumbai girls.


Don’t ever expect such detailed chronicling again in your lifetime. It’s just that I have complimentary high-speed internet, a sluggish brain, everyone in my friend’s list sleeping (half past four in the morning in India) and a lot of free time that I am writing what I am writing.

Oh, and there’s no place like India in the whole, wide world. Darn it!

(Days# 1 and 2)


N.B. I am just going out to dinner to mys enior’s place. See you with a wittier post next time. Smiles, G. 🙂

Posted in Laughs, Observer, The Other Side of the River | 8 Comments

Distance

Posted on August 15, 2010 by Guria
It feels strange to get attached to someone you have never seen or met. How many of you think that online relationships are absurd? Isn’t it the most rubbish form of relationship that ever exists? I did think so too, until I met Guria.
We have mentioned this time and again about how we met. This very virtual world of blogging that introduced me to her who has become a part of me today. Until then, for me, the funda of getting really close to someone you know through chat rooms or blogs was nothing but foolish. I raised my eyebrows, sighed and called people foolish whoever mentioned that they met online. But after G entered into my real world virtually, I had to eat my own words.
From e-mails to facebook comments, from pokes to smses and from chat to phone calls – our friendship has grown with each passing day and each passing moment. We have had our share of happiness as well as sadness, taking attacks as well as fighting for each other, protecting and making the other strong during those weak moments, and always emerge as the surviving duo in the toughest situation.
She is more than a soul sister to me. We are literally in east-west corners of the country we live in; but that was somehow not a “distance” I was worried about. I could call her whenever I wanted to, thanks to our more or less similar timeline.

But things are going to be different now. She will be in a different city, different country, different continent and different timeline. Well, I will still be able to call her anytime I want to, but the “distance” will be widened now. The distance will be almost impossible for me to cover to reach her. But I know she will still be there for me whenever I need her, unconditionally, always, like she has always been. She will still be able to make out from my voice that I am sad or confused and she will still be as happy for me as I am for her in all her triumphs.
Love you girl.
Don’t publish this. It is meant only for you. My state of mind is not helping me to write what I want to write. But I know that you know what I think about you right? 🙂

N.B. I didn’t listen to her and I did publish this anyway, as it is. This is my Neha, my very own and I want to show her to the whole world with the pride I have in her, and the bottomless love in me. To be loved, and not just love, such a woman is a treasure, an asset, an achievement, making a life happy and well-lived. I love you too, darling and anyway you are coming to visit me soon (I’ll make sure that you do!). Yours Guria.

Posted in Love | 15 Comments

Lost

Posted on August 14, 2010 by Guria
Life is funny, we say; we are funnier, if you contemplate.

We pine for what we thought we had, but never really did. We miss that thing that never was in our life. And do we really have what we have now?

It is nothing, just a sporadic case of me being flummoxed by a trove of memories that may seem to recede into the forgotten corners of the mind but despite all the gathered cobwebs, it glistens, fresh and untarnished, as bang! it assails you, unaware and unprepared. I cherish what I have today, with little but treasured regrets of the ‘what-had-been’, with simple joys and sublime happiness, and people to share and witness each others’ journeys across and beyond, some together, some solitary.

But standing on the verge of a change forthcoming, flitting across a myriad of pictures in my heart, in a moment of searching for the lost, I pause. I mourn for a lost soul, a colored and a bright life that I hadn’t known before it was no more; I grieve for a broken marriage, one that shriveled up and died, thirsty and pleading; I rage at an used and abused love where the love was conquered by all; and lastly, I pine for a friend, loved, lost and never mine, but one who keeps her tabs and her place in the pages of my non-existent diary. Love hurts but rarely dies.

Posted in Friends, Heart, Loss, Love, People and Relationships | 8 Comments

Ahh, the Smell, Mmm, the Taste: Foods of Calcutta (Kolkata)

Posted on August 4, 2010 by Guria
On a wet, lonely and hungry evening, I find nothing more fascinating than dreaming about the wonderful food of my city, Calcutta (or Kolkata). The city only always thought to be a haven for sweets is, of course a perfect destination for that, but the spices rule too, along with the city’s personal rendition of different food and cuisines. 
Take the the Chinese cuisine, for example. The biggie restaurants not withstanding, every road-side make-shift food-stalls or the small food joints are more likely to have Fried Rice with Chili Chicken/Paneer in their menus more often than the Pulao, made the Bengali style. 
It’s my personal pride that Calcutta, though is a city in Bengal, it boasts of Calcuttans rather than only Bengalis. The city’s perfect combination and mixture of people and cultures from every part of India has their profound and fortifying effects on Calcutta cuisine too. Every connoisseur of food, and Calcuttans are big on food, can get a taste of exemplary North and South Indian cuisines along with Moghlai, Tandoori, Chinese, Japanese, Spanish, Italian, Continental, French and the famous junk food among others.

But there are some specialities we have here, that really shouldn’t be missed if you are in Calcutta. This is a list of a few true rude food in Calcutta, not really restaurants (except one) but stuffs that are worth tasting!

Chicken Roll

This one is a regular snacking item in our city, improvised by the city itself, by Nizam’s to be specific. Nizam is a Biriyani joint (amongst several famous ones in Calcutta) in New Market where the story of Chicken Roll originates. A man returning home from office had ordered kebabs and paranthas, and asked to be served quickly as he was in a hurry. Seeing that he was late, he asked them to just roll the kebabs in the paranthas, that he would be able to munch on while traveling. Hence the advent of the famous fast food of Calcutta, the chicken roll. Nowadays you have mutton roll, egg roll (the parantha is made with egg), paneer roll, even vegetable roll amongst other improvisations.

Phuchka

Now you call it Panipuri or Golgappa, we will always only call it phuchka! Of course, it doesn’t differ that much from city to city or state to state. But the taste of the water in Calcutta adds an entirely different, forbidden taste to it that I am sure is unavailable in any of the other cities. The phuchkas from mainly Chetla, with its characteristic tamarind water with amazing mixture of spices that beguile your tongue and literally can blind your senses (more sour, the better!) are special. The idea of where the best phuchka in the city is found differs with the locality of the connoisseurs who go far and wide across to just judge that. Phuchka-walahs in Vivekanada Park, Ballygunge Phari, College Street, Purna Cinema, Jodhpur park etc are famous. A note to people out of India, from cleaner countries (hence, weaker immune system) are advised not to try them out. If you want a more ‘hygienic’ version (phuchkas with mineral water!) try Haldiram’s (joints across town), Junior Brothers (in Gariahat), they are good even if a subtle impersonation. And for those who abhor the water mix, you can try the drier version of phuchka crumbled with mashed potatoes (inclusive of tongue-tingling spices) that is lovingly called churmur.

Chelo Kebabs

An amazing improvisation of our pet famous restaurant Peter Cat in Park Street, it is a serve-one-only platter that is a favourite with the city-dwellers and every one of those who happen by. A platter of rice with butter, fried eggs (sunny-side up), with mutton sheekh kebabs, a skewer-long chicken rashmi kebabs (better than many other tandoors) with salads and roasted veggies, tandoori style, the traditional Chelo Kebabs is one filling dish and impossible to not enjoy! Very reasonably priced, at less than 200 INR, it is a must have. Teem it up with a prawn cocktail as an appetizer, you will be surprised how filled and satisfied you are after the meal. There are also other versions  of the chelo like mutton, for vegetarian. The sizzlers are also another speciality in here. Just go out there with a little time in hand, because any day, any time of the week, there is at least a 15 minutes waiting! Need the perfect food, Chelo Kebab will never fail you!

Breakfast at Flury’s

A tourist haunt, but a traditional favourite with fellow Kolkatans too, Flury’s pastries, breakfasts are to rave about. The decor, the ambiance along with the food with a tad elitist’s touch makes it a regular haunt with people of every age.

Chocolates at Kookie Jar

If you are a worshipper of Chocolate, you reach Heavens when you enter Kookie Jar. Besides the usual patties, shwarma wraps, freshly baked breads, and other nonta (salty) quick foods, the confectionery is a haven of home-made cookies (iced, plain and other types), home-made chocolates and pastries. If you like Lemon tart, once from Kookie Jar will never be enough. But if you love chocolate, you’ll fall in love with the variety of cakes (no just pastries, they don’t seem enough!). Truffle, Walnut, Hot Fudge, Black Forest, even the plain Chocolate cakes are not just tempting but addicting! And add to that, they have the designer cakes that are down-right sinful! The first Rawdon Street Kookie Jar by the force of sheer popularity now have joints at Alipore, City Center, South City etc. Of course, venturing into Kookie Jar might burn a hole in your pocket but that’s not just because of the prices but the aroma, and you succumbing to temptation. And every Calcuttan always swears by Kookie Jar!

Confections at Nahum’s

The famous outlet at New Market that has been there for several generations (my grandfather used to go there with his grandfather) is probably the first-of-its-kind confectionery. The simple but fascinating tastes, Nahum’s caters to the nostalgic and the old times. The old feel and immutable taste of the place makes it a favourite with the regulars that span generations. It’s not just confection, Nahum’s is actually a tradition.

~ 

The food in Calcutta, its history, its tastes and flavours are endless for the food-lover. The Calcuttan loves to eat (and  thus, loves to share too) and eat well! These were a few specials that are really popular. Be sure to try them when you land in Calcutta. For the probashi Bangali, do conjure up the sweet and beguiling tastes and smell of our delicacies ever imprinted in your memory…

In near future I hope to do another post on Bengali, really authentic Bengali food… think, kosha mangsho–luchi, ilish machher-r sorshe jhaal, bhetki paturi, chingri machher malaikari…  And some other time, the rosogolla and the sondesh.

Hope you are as hungry as I am  after reading this… Meaning, I hope you enjoyed!! :))

Posted in Calcutta and Bengali, India, Observer | 21 Comments