At first I thought it was a recurring nightmare, and that I had been transported back in space and time to all that I wanted to forget. It wasn’t just disappointment that coursed through my veins, it was an utter horror that it was happening again. Again.
Oh, I have “been there, done that” and that’s what I would say if anyone asked. I would not hesitate to say that yes, that lesson has been learned, thoroughly. But I knew I was still vulnerable. Very, very vulnerable. It’s some stupid thing about when your heart’s involved.
The fear that surged when I glimpsed her was quenched in the next moment when I realized, it couldn’t be her. I knew where she was, and it wasn’t with me! While the skinny girl standing some ten feet away looking towards the bank of elevators waited. I had come in from another entrance that she wasn’t supposed to know about. She had arrived just yesterday. She was looking around when she suddenly spotted me, and smiled haltingly. She couldn’t have missed me, as I had been staring at her intently.
Her smile was as uncertain as I was feeling. After all, she didn’t know me either. But I felt more than just the weightlessness of zero expectations, I felt trapped in a deja vu, deflated in a most peculiar way. As if I still wanted her to be the person I had sworn to forget, the person who seemingly I had forgiven and put aside. And maybe life isn’t that simple.
And so the journey began.