The first thing I do is bump my nose into the wall. Years of pinching my nose to a fine, fashionable point never worked, but I am so sure that these bumps would invariably make my flat nose almost non-existent and after a while, you just might see it coming out of the back of my head. With tearing eyes, I grope in the dark as usual. It’s not that I hate the light, but I never want to scale the wall like Spiderman looking for the switch that is never where it should be.
I always need to get out of bed, just when I am snug and comfortable under my comforter. Every night without fail. And the worst part is I sleep alone, so, I can’t even curse anyone. I mean, there’s hardly any joy in calling yourself “a foolish donkey” (yeah, you got that right- ‘foolish’ and ‘donkey’)- when you already know you are one.
Hence as a ploy, to save my lazy bones from being hauled from the embracing and warm bed, I pace my carpeted floor for fifteen minutes beforehand checking off a mental list of all the things I need to do before I turn in. And with a sigh of relief echoing of the effort I put in, in all the great things I had accomplished that day, I turn off my bed-side lamp, and smile as I get into the best position under the warm covers for sweet, sweet sleep. And just as the contented sigh crosses my parted lips as soft wisps into the cold air, I remember- I didn’t turn the oven off. Or, I didn’t latch the main door. Or, I left my phone in the car (worst case scenarios) or didn’t lock the car at all! Everything that has to be done right then and there, and no procrastinating permitted, unlike throwing out the one-week old trash after it turns three weeks.
So, I get up again, cursing- the hands finding the walls just the moment after my nose crashes into my closet, or the half-open door or the grand walls themselves. And I’d still be lucky if it’s something that’s in the kitchen, bathroom, anywhere within my apartment. But if it is a chore related to all the things I forget in my car, I have to put on my boots, hoodies, jackets, gloves, caps- I mean, over my pajamas I am dressed to go out for an evening in the city.
And I have to do all of these in the dark, of course- because I am sleepy, I have work the next day for which I’ll have to wake up in the ungodly hours and light scares off my sleep (obviously!), so much so that I’ll toss and turn all night long only to fall asleep in the early morning.
So, with a brave heart and all the courage I can muster, I throw the covers off me and get out of bed. And the first thing I do – I stub my toe on the dresser.