Missing

It starts somewhere in the deep pit of your stomach, the only natural place for the heaviness to accumulate. It accumulates so hard, so fast that you grope around blindly for that support. The feet give away and you really need to sit down. The muscles in your stomach clench, not that nice, anticipatory kind, but the kind that comes before the eyes start wanting to tear and the throat gets clogged with them, unshed
And then the weight of it starts spreading, and you hope, now, it will abate, but it is hoping too soon, wishing to soon, misjudging the strength of it all. The weight never loosens, the lead of it still hold you down but it spreads, moving with its slow yet unstoppable and purposeful pace towards the guarded and sacred fortress, the heart. And the protected, innocent heart is startled. Unware and unprepared, it shudders, and then wails soundlessly, tearless but in all its glory with every inexplicable, unuttered, invaluable feeling that only the heart will ever be honest enough to own up to.
Loving can be a pain. Missing proves it every time.
The world is an illusion, people, just mere pawns, no one ever belongs to anybody, there is only you and your God, or your Conscience, if that’s your term… But you are always ever alone. Your entrance into the huge Stage is alone, as is your exit, however much celebrated or not. Then how knowing all the truths of life, of living, of souls, of worlds, of illusions, of untruths, can we still manage to get wrapped up in the intricately webbed net of love, longing, and pain? In our attempts to prove that we are indeed smarter, we end up proving what fools we are, every time.
I guess, finally, at the end of day, with all our choices, all our preferences, all our ideologies breaking down into a thousand and one minute slivers of glasses, we all are only Human. Mere mortals, who need those unreal ties, those illusionary attachments to the very world where one only ever will be a guest.

I am going to miss my friends, all of them, every thing bitter and not-so-sweet forgotten, I will miss them, knowing we may never see each other again, and nothing will ever be the same. The journey starts now. This is Real. And I’m so pathetically Human.
Posted in Friends, Heart, Love | 12 Comments

Escape

This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a-Ton 10; the tenth edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

One foot fell ahead of the other in an entrancing beat. In an untamed split of a second, one toe gripped the warm asphalt and disappeared in the next, even as the other shot forward to keep him moving. Without making any sound, without wasting an erg of energy, in an absorbing cadence of a bewitching music playing in his head, in a beguiling dance of survival and death, he ran.
 
The eyes had no vision as he plunged into the sultry, forbidding darkness for his life. There was no sound except that of the thick, heavy air cutting across, passing him by in a whoosh mingled with the rhythm of his own exerted panting. There was no sign of life, except the thudding of his heart, accelerated in exhaustion and fear. He ran.
 
He could not see. he could not hear. But he knew. He could feel.
 
The footsteps behind him, chasing him, driven by the maddening compulsion to suck the life out of him, closing on him. No one would understand, no one would feel but he could see in his head the cruel purpose hidden behind those hypnotizing black eyes.
 
And life surged back into his weakening, tired legs anew propelling him forward, faster and faster. Fed on adrenaline, his muscles crackled as they took him away like a scared monster patrolling the nights, his sinews stretched to breaking with the force of gushing blood but nothing took root as he ran on, with the only thought in mind: Escape.
 
He had to run away. as far as he could, where he could never be found. Into another world. Into safety. If there was one. 
 
His breath stopped and came. He gulped in the thick air in successive movements, as he fought for more, but he dared not stop. His visions collided, and converged. He could see every air particle blocking his progress, the darkness blocking the end of the endless night as he ran against fate, into nothingness.
 
Too scared to look behind, too afraid to pause for a moment, he ran on. In his flight to save the life throbbing within him, his arteries were stretched to the point of rupture, the blood spilled into his brain, casting a veil over his eyes, reddening his iris, the veins swollen and vivid on the sides of his forehead, and the carotid stark and bright against the pale of his throat. His heart, his life, was nearing to burst in its own quest to save itself.
 
Suddenly his eyes flew open, a sheen of madness still covering his eyes that couldn’t see the white of the ceiling, a ringing in his ears that couldn’t hear the creaking of the revolving fan. He was thrashing in his bed, gasping for air, entangled in the covers, sweat was running in rivulets down and across his torso, muddying his face, drops of blood leaked out of his nose, and some trickled down from the corner of his eyes. He was locked in his flight away from his unknown, faceless, non-existent nemesis… Still strapped to the iron rungs of the bed.
 
There was no escape. Ever.


N.B. It is not easy to delve into the mind of a schizophrenic. But it could be something like this. Writing this was very exhausting and compelling, as was trying to get into the character. This is my tribute to a certain important someone in my life who has been trapped in mind, too far long, too far gone to be completely brought back. Contrary to how this ended, there is always a hope, a cure for those who can detect and fight it early on. There is an Escape. Love, G.

The fellow Blog-a-Tonics who took part in this Blog-a-Ton and links to their respective posts can be checked here. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

Posted in BAT, Contests, Creations, Darkness, Non-Fiction, Novelette | 50 Comments

His Best Man



There are two actually. 

Meeting them, separately for the first time was almost as worse as meeting the in-laws. Oh, and I haven’t actually met the in-laws in the official capacity. That is probably because in our society, we meet officially at a max of a year to six months before the actual marriage, and we are to get married not in the next four years! 
But best friends are a different matter altogether. Their stamp of approval is needed at the inception, more than the parents’. Or so I believe.
Now I am a very gregarious, extrovert, out-spoken, out-going, witty… blogger. Only. Meet me in real life, you will have to twist me for words. I am shy, introvertish, seemingly cannot string two words together and yeah, dumb too! Especially when meeting new people I lose my tongue and become a witless scatter-brain.
So imagine my state when I was to meet each of his best men. Anticipating meeting his friends was an ordeal, and I was visibly nervous before both the meetings.
My observations, once when I used to The Cynic, were my only tools in approaching the impending disaster it was bound to be.
Firstly, though of course, you will tell me otherwise, I don’t consider myself remotely beautiful or even, pretty. First strike against me, as I felt, a good-looker goes a long way in befuddling a man’s brain long enough to hinder him in looking beyond the superficial. No one’s fault, it is just the way it is.
Secondly, befuddling the brain wearing skimpy dresses don’t work. Because when the best friend feels the blood draining out of his brain, that is strike two, as this is not the girl he is going to allow his friend to be with. For leisure, or a week, that’s more than fine but a lifetime, no way!! Men are strange that way.
Thirdly, I just detest being put on show, to be judged: nice, good, sexy or merely passable!
But I was newly in love. I hadn’t thought much of it. 
And my subconscious was busy struggling with another set of problems.
Boys, the ones especially friends for a long time, tend to begrudge the time their newly engaged friend spends with his girlfriend. This is something that I haven’t really seen among girls but among the younger guys, it is very rampant. And after some time, the more serious the relationship, or more JKG (borrowed from the Indianhomemaker) the guy is, the worse are the reactions of the friends.
So it was like me facing the gallows, waiting for the judge to bang on his gavel!


But the funny thing that happened was, the love those two guys have for my fiancé, okay okay not love, he glares at me I use the word ‘love’ (“We do not love each other…Men don’t love other men!” accompanied by rolling eyes)… So, what happened was the bond that they share, the friendship or whatever you call it (I still call it ‘love’, being a woman I have no problem with copious usage of any L-word) was extended to me without an extra thought. They cared for me because their best friend did, because he was in love with me, and that was enough for them. And not for a single moment did they judge me. They liked me even before they’d met me, and meeting me strictly was just that, meeting me. No judgement, no verdicts nothing.
By being in love with a wonderful man, got me friends too, ones for life. 
And when I bared all to him, he was taken aback, “So, what’s the big deal? You expected, what?” Of course, I realised, he didn’t know what privilege and honour his best friends had bestowed on him, on me, because he would have done the same. That’s why they were best friends. 
And it is hard to keep on being a Cynic, when you cannot apply your cynicism.
Today, I am best buddies with both the crackpots! 
One of them is a computer geek and a composer-guitarist and the other a football fanatic and a bizwhiz… One of them is totally opposite to my fiancé, and hence just like me, the other was the one who introduced blogs and Blogger to me, and was my first reader too. Both are as crazy- one madly, one philosophically- as me, and as brilliant too.
And the real thing is, they are no more just my fiancé’s but are My Best Men, too. 
(Erm, I think they might be a bit disagreeable about the term “Maid of Honour”)
Posted in Friends, Laughs, Life, People and Relationships, You | 11 Comments

The Most Special Gift

My anger and my hurt, resulting from an idle mind, mostly are always directed towards the individuals I love. Them, who will listen to me rant and rage without so much as a tweep, but even they burst out sometimes, their patience cannot hold out against my pathetic outlet all the time.

This happened after a weekend when my fiancé went with his friends to a symposium in another state, to a renowned beach, which was a great excuse for them to be entertaining the occasional addictions the men manage to cultivate. However much I try not to be “the nagging wife”, I am a woman with a woman’s instincts and feel for things, and however much ever I may loathe reacting emotionally about it, I do, sometimes.

The bone of contention was the increased frequency of these occasional rendezvous. I will put my foot down when it starts getting out of hand, and not after it already has. And as much as a man needs mothering all his life, he really detests the word itself. 

A fight ensued. And against his quiet, reserved and unbending will, I shouted in a not-so reserved manner. 

Contrition comes to me fast, as I am not one who is happy shouting. Realization, though late, also makes its way into my hard head eventually. 

I almost let him go away on his five-day trip with us angry with each other. With me angry with him. I didn’t apologize. It wasn’t as if we didn’t talk to each other but I made sure he knew I was upset with him, especially knowing that, that it hurt him. I am not proud of what I did, wasn’t then. I would confess to being conniving and hurtful, but in my poor, lame defense I can only say, I did it for him. If my hurt would transform into him refraining.

But if men don’t understand women, women also don’t always do a great job of understanding men.

I missed him when he was not with me.

He had his share of fun. We share. He told me of all that had transpired, filmy fights, broken bones, rough sea, bathing escapades, upset stomachs and knowing me, he only skimmed over the drunk and high nights, to which at least, I was matured enough not to harp on or show my blatant disapproval in the most roundabout manner.

And the issue was forgotten. (A simple thing becomes serious, only when you let it)

I was still angry at him, hurt because did I matter so less? Typical woman, isn’t it?

I met him almost a week after he came back, both of us caught up in our respective jobs, from morning till night. We had a great time.

As we were about to leave, he pressed into my hand something misshapen, wrapped in plain white paper, tied with a rubber band, hardly two inches long and one inch wide. He smiled and told me to open it only when I got home, for him please? He knows how curious I can be. And with the instruction, don’t squeeze it, a’right?

And it was the first thing I did when I got back home, I unwrapped it.

And in my palm lay the sea-shells.



“Have a great time, and travel safe! See if you remember to call me!”
“Guria!!”
“Okay, okay, try and call me! In all excitement, don’t forget me, a’rite!”
“Guria, stop being ridiculous.”
“Don’t do those dratted things…. please!”
“I dunno… I might.”
“You really don’t care about me, do you?!!”
“How is that one thing related to the other?”
“I can’t ask you not to indulge. You will never listen to me. You just don’t give a damn about me.”
“It’s a guys’ trip, Guria… one weekend doesn’t make any of us an addict. And stop equating everything to what you are to me. Anyway, you know I’m going because I have never gone there before and it was you who told me that it is wonderful.”
“That’s my favourite beach in the world. Last time I had gone, hmm, can’t even remember when, long back… when we were not jumping in the sea, I used to have the best time collecting sea-shells… If you can’t really listen to me, at least do me a favour, don’t go into the sea drunk, okay?”
“Guria…!!”

Those sea-shells are the best gift I ever got.
I stared at them for a long time, my hands were shivering with guilt. And with love and the happiness seeping through, as I remembered.
With those precious little sea-shells in my hand, I cried.

N.B. And I realize, you are not the only one who alone understands vices and virtues, what’s good and what’s not for the one you love. He understands it, too. G.
Posted in Heart, Love, Me, You | 25 Comments

Wings

I am vacillating between extremes at the prospect of the imminent transition… 
Sometimes happy that I will be sprouting wings and be flying out into my world… 
Sometimes sad that I have to leave the unconditionally warm and loving nest behind. 
But whatever I feel, beneath it all I know that nothing is going to be the same, the change is imperative… 
It is not about better or worse, but just a change, a difference in all our lives, especially mine. It’s time to venture out into the big world alone…


This is a picture that perfectly defines me right now… 
The land looks like the sea, endless, vast, formidable yet inviting… 
And the sky, with the shadows and the hidden rays playing next each other, each more vivid and real because of the other. The clouds and the sun. They do co-exist. They can.
The imagination stretches as far as your eyes can see and even further, into the infinite… And like a soul waiting for the journey to begin.


When the wind is in my face,
I feel I have wings
That lift me in the breeze
And I’m flying!
With my hair blowing behind,
I travel over worlds, smiling.
And then the wind slows,
And I land back on Earth
Not let down, but held
With promise to fly again.

Preparing, Waiting and Anticipating……..
N.B. Conflicted yet never been more clear. G. 
Posted in Creations, Heart, Me, Photography, Verses | 9 Comments

Catharsis Part-V: The Luxury of Being Angry!



I get angry fast and often, and one of my biggest regrets is that I can never hold on to my righteous anger for more than a few moments. It always happens that somebody has to say something funny just then! For heaven’s sake, couldn’t you hold it in for few more minutes?!


I have never found it easy to swallow back the tickle in my throat. I actually tried pushing down my laughter down my food pipe, because it sure doesn’t go down the wind-pipe without choking me, but my stomach doesn’t seem to be able to handle it any better than my throat can, it tickles too, and I have never pushed it further down, scared about the consequences. So, just imagine, I feel a good anger building on… Yeah! I can feel it coming, I am getting ready, starting to breath heavy like a bull, almost giving in to the tendency to paw the floor and CHARGE! But no, people have to make stupid faces, say something utterly nonsensical right then… And I have the world’s worst time keeping a straight and grave face.

I mean, Why me?!! If I try to crack a joke when someone else is angry, I think I should run for my life… Most swell like a bull-frog, all red in the face and seem like they are going to burst with the force of their anger. Their blessed anger not only increases on being laughed at, but erupts with good meaningful impact too. And mine always goes “Phooosh!“.. yes, I can almost always hear that.

Once I had made up my mind that I will use a piece of the new stationery (I collect) to list down the reasons, occasion with date when I got angry, with whom etc etc…  But I had to discard the idea when I sat down all prepared, wrote my name calligraphically, painstakingly on the top, wrote the date, poised my good pen and found that I don’t remember a single incident!

That brings me to my second problem: I forget why I got irritated and enraged in the first place! Just when people start erupting in laughter all around me, and are looking at me knowing I am going to crack within the next two seconds, and I feel my lips twitching, and my will is almost near giving-up, I make up my mind very fast. “I’ll get back to this. Just remember why I got angry.. and we’ll sure get back to it. Watch out!“, I think. And then my belligerence gives away with the pressure of the bubbling laughter getting accumulated behind my tightly closed lips… It always starts with the corners of your lips, I personally believe, they leak, and I smile first, then my teeth seem too many to hold in my mouth, they glare… and then a gurgle comes out, combated choked laughter to you… finally when my brain sees no point in wasting electrical circuits and chemicals in fighting the laughter it wants too… and I’m rolling with the others too! At the end I am with them, chuckling, and teasing each other, including self… and see, even here I forgot to remember, I was supposed to be angry, for God’s sake!

Well, I know I turn thick-headed, refuse to listen to reason or accept that I may be wrong when I am irate… But surely that doesn’t give my family the license to undermine and take away my birthright (or, may be even constitutional right) to get angry every time I manage to cook up a nice and hearty rage! Hmmph!

N.B. Boy, I do feel stupid after being angry for no reason. G.
Posted in Catharsis, Laughs | 27 Comments

Resurrection

The gleaming, dark bottle-green Cadillac rolled to a regal, leisurely stop along the opposite curb. The polished, tinted glasses of the car would only succeed in arousing one’s curiosity but fail to abate it. But on that chilly Christmas Eve, everyone went about their hurried last-minute shopping, wrapped against the tight wind that roared across the city streets. No one showed the least bit of interest towards the expensive make or were aware of its vigilant occupant.

*

Doug was as much as the ‘living legend’ as he was touted to be. At the peak of success, he couldn’t really disagree. Not with every juicy detail of his ‘rags to riches’ story circulating through even the remotest alleys, all thanks to the highly-competent and ever-thirsty media. Sadly, however well-known his humble beginnings and his rise to the top of the ladder were to them, his decline down another ladder was either not important in today’s life or, as hard it is to believe, was simply not known. How the city’s golden son, the billionaire makes his money and who he spends it on, was all the people seemed to be interested in. You could call it an advantage of making it big where you had been born small. And Doug wasn’t complaining.

But maybe, if you asked some older and sharper journalist, he might just pull his brows together and mumble that the playboy billionaire Doug Petrachel might, just might, have been married once a million-light years ago.

*

Suddenly the the giant oak doors of the ancient brick building across the dimly-lit street burst open. A mixed group of over-excited, giggling children burst out through the doors on to the pavement, completely unmindful to biting wind enveloping them. Such was childhood. Two ladies, with pretty many years between them, laughingly and lovingly managed the chaotic, unruly children from running on to the otherwise busy street.

*

Trying to be more than what his beating and whoring father had been, one hungry, lonely and terrible winter, ten-year old, white-trash Douglas had sworn to outlive poverty. And he had taken that path with a dogged, single-minded sense of purpose. 

And Barbara had understood every single bit of it.

Doug had met Barbara when he was in college. They had met in a cafeteria where Doug had put in many a hour to continue supporting himself through college. She was the first person to see the loner and famed loser for what he really was. A survivor. And admired him for it.

Their friendship was one of oddities. Doug with his parents whom he couldn’t live down, and Barbara having lost hers long before she could create a lasting impression of them in her heart.

One thing had led to another, and what was a simple friendship for two lonely and seeking souls had blossomed into love unaware. Attraction had been repressed mercilessly, and they had continued being the doorway to the deepest parts of each others’ souls, in the fear of losing the only other person they had ever cared about by acting on their hormones.

And then it had been time to part ways.

*

Standing against the strong wind, the kids laughed and squealed and thoroughly inspected the gifts each had received that evening. The joy was infectious, inciting a smile from every passer-by who happened by. It was Christmas after all. The two ladies stood near, keeping a sharp eye on the kids.

The Caddy silently waited, unobtrusive and unnoticed.

*

Into a month of a new job in a factory near the city, and as an assistant to a manger in a reputed law-firm within the city, both Doug and Barbara missed the other with a ferocity neither were prepared to deal with. 

After the ups and downs, tears and laughter, whispers and kisses, Doug married Barbara.

And two years later, Doug found someone who he could love as much, and more. Cynthia. His beautiful and happy daughter.

*

The city center clock gong sounded eight times.

Some mothers, a few fathers started arriving. The children squealed and jumped into the arms of their parents. Maybe it was just the merry season, but the pretty picture painted in the cold, dreary and dark evening was a happy, warming one. One by one, the children followed their parents back home. Only a few were still left behind.

The man inside the Caddy waited, expressionless and seemingly untouched by the affecting scene unfurling in front of him.

“What a cold man!”, thought the chauffeur looking through the rear-view mirror.

*

The combined income of husband-wife had put Doug through business school even as he slowly worked up the staff levels in the factory where he was employed. He had learned to make himself indispensible, and his sharp brain made that easy.

Birth of Cynthia brought about a change in their lives. Happiness multiplied and inadvertently, trying to hold on to the happiness that had always been elusive in his life, made him obsessive.

In a few years, Doug bought out the company that had first employed him. And he carved out a niche for himself as his established company grew by leaps and bounds. He slowly became a force to reckon with. And unmindful to the growing discontent of the family for whom he had been doing this in the first place.

Barbara left him one rainy evening taking Cynthia with her with the divorce papers lying on the kitchen table. They had wanted nothing from him, she had said in a note, only his love and time but now that was probably in the possession of the younger actresses and models he was with. 

After the years of a happy marriage, Barbara divorced Doug on the grounds of adultery. She took nothing but a monthly allowance for Cynthia and full custody. And Doug got Saturdays.


After a while, even those Saturdays started to come less than once in a month. His daughter turned away from her father, as if the little girl too felt betrayed like her mother had.

And he finally turned into the playboy the papers had painted him to be. And went on to be the most successful business magnate he was today, “without any restraints to pull him back” as a flattering newspaper had quoted very eloquently.

*

The chauffeur had no idea what they were waiting for. He was trained not to ask questions or show curiosity. But training be damned, if he didn’t want to know, what the ruthless conglomerate wanted here, in this forgotten part of the city. This was no business proposition.

The chauffeur secretly wondered if it had to do something with the incident that took place around ten days back.

His boss had asked him to drive to a neighbourhood, to a suburban middle-class home that afternoon. He hadn’t thought much about it, thinking it would be some of his boss’ younger escort’s place where he’d probably be in, till late evening. But he was indeed surprised as the door was opened by a man. And he was shocked when he saw his cool and level-headed Boss land a square punch on the man’s face, and the blood to start pouring through the fingers of the man as he clutched his nose and dropped on his knees. 

This was a first. The young, taught-to-be-impassive chauffeur was baffled. He had looked around to see children’s clothes and toys strewn around. How could this be the place of one of the man’s hot dates? He hadn’t dated mothers before!

But that had been more than a week back. Since then every two days, he had driven his Boss through the same street, crossing the same house, without stopping once. Sometimes they’d just see the lighted rooms, sometimes they’d hear happy voices, only once he’d gotten a glimpse of a woman running about laughing with a little girl. But that man who had opened the door wasn’t anywhere to be seen. And it seemed that was all that his Boss wanted to see. He never went in.


Right now, the chauffeur turned towards the old building and tried to see which of the two women was the one they’d seen in that house, or which of the kids.


Only a few more kids were left now, when his Boss suddenly jumped out of the car.


The chauffeur hurried after him, petrified that he had been too caught up in his own musings to get the car-door before his Boss, but his Boss didn’t notice, as he crossed the road and walked fast towards the kids, with a simply wrapped packet in hand.


Doug went and stood in front of a little girl with astonishingly large grey eyes. 


My eyes“, thought Doug with a sweet pang of regret, and pride.


The older lady standing at the doorway started as she saw Doug but restrained the younger woman from coming forward. Doug nodded absently towards them.


The little girl and the huge man just stared at each other for the longest while. One could still make out the old yellowing bruises on the girl’s cheeks, and anger swelled anew within Doug. “I should have killed the bastard“.


“Who are you?”, the little girl asked shyly, haltingly staring up at the big man standing in front of her.


Doug kneeled down on the hard pavement and smiled, “I used to know your mother, a long time ago, when she was just like you.” He took out the packet and held it out to her, “Merry Christmas, pretty girl!”


The little girl stared wide-eyed from the wrapped gift in his hand and to the white shock of hair on his head and said in amazement, “But they told me that there is no Santa Claus!” 

He felt his heart fill up and spill with the tears his eyes couldn’t hold, “But there is, darling! Santa Claus is always there for all the special little girls in the world. And you are the most special.”


Her smile came in dazzling and brilliant. And she hugged him tightly in that moment of pure joy.

*



Doug Petrachel watched from afar as his daughter and grand-daughter walked away hand-in-hand, laughing, with the present he’d given Perenelle clutched possessively in her hand.


His daughter might not want to see him, might not turn to him when she needed him but at the ripe old age of seventy-six, his grand-daughter gave him what he’d lost many years ago.


It was Christmas after all. And there was Hope.

_________



P.S. A part of the man’s history was inspired by the history of a man played by Jack Nicholson in a movie, that had been summed up in a few lines by the actor. It is an off-season post but it was with me for a long time. There’s nothing better I like than finding that bit of faith and hope even in the most trying times. Hope you enjoyed it. Love, G. 🙂




Posted in Creations, Life, Love, Novelette, People and Relationships | 18 Comments

Fool

This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a-Ton 9; the ninth edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

CAUTION: Violent description. Rated as an (A). So please read only if you are over 18 years of age.


Arjun gazed blankly around his room. This was the same room where he had grown up, brought up by his mother, alone. They had laughed, cried, rejoiced and suffered together in this very same room; the one single room with no furniture; the yellow and black paint on the wall which might have been white an eon ago. But as far as Arjun remembered; it had always been like this.

“The wall has the colour and texture of a sunflower. They are so unique, beta. You will never find such walls anywhere in this world. They are made only for a special person like you.” Sheena had created the fantasy for him while caressing his hair.

Young Arjun had completely missed the tears that had rolled down her hard cheeks.

Age had been steadily gaining on Sheena and income had continuously moved down the same curve. The once-upon-a-time appreciated and admired beauty, Sheena had slowly lost her brittle appeal after Arjun was born; and with time her agility, charm and ‘earning abilities’. That little ray of sunshine of her life had eclipsed the glowing light of her professional life.

“Mamma, what do you do?”, asked the innocent Arjun.

“I am a stage performer, darling… I dance”, Sheena lied without compunction.

But Arjun’s child-like yet inquisitive and shrewd mind was never satisfied with the answer. He always craved for more from her. His little mind failed to understand why his mother went to work at night instead of telling him bedtime stories, why nobody wanted to speak with him or play with him. He continued being a fool even at twenty. Twenty whole years he had spent in this very room; until one night, when his curiosity propelled him out of the door and he went looking for the truth.

It was a cold winter night. Whatever he had told his mother, Arjun wasn’t feeling the least bit sleepy. His mind was occupied with the thoughts about his mother’s dancing profession, the feeling of being left-out and neglected by her and the hidden excitement and pride at his beautiful mother dancing.

That night Arjun decided to follow his mother. And watch her dance.

He pretended to sleep early. Sheena got ready with care to leave to find the work that was hard to come by these days. Her wrinkled, pallid face, her tired body which bore all the imprints of time and hardship did not help. Earning enough money to feed Arjun and herslf was a chore that was becoming harder with every passing night. Half the time, she got to eat only one meal so that she could feed Arjun properly. And ironically she couldn’t take care of the very thing that earned the bread.

Tonight she needed the money badly. Arjun had been more difficult than usual and there was barely anything to eat at home.

The roads were dark and the biting wind, strong; her flesh was numb from waiting and she was freezing deep down to her bones. The possibility for anybody turning up was very bleak; but she had to try; try for Arjun, and herself.

Arjun kept a close trail, and waddled after his mother. She had never exactly told him where she worked; but he was at least not expecting her to walk to that place in such a freezing cold. He was shivering like a leaf. He thought of listening to his mother, and going back home to sleep under his blanket; when an intuition, Sheena didn’t know her son to be capable of having, stopped him in his tracks.

His mother had stopped walking now. She stood under the shadows, as if waiting.

“Maybe someone is coming to pick her up”, thought Arjun.

Sheena was waiting at her usual place. These days, only drunk, old men stopped their cars for Sheena. All the rest wanted the younger, prettier females. Sheena wanted to quit dragging herself through this every night after Arjun was born; but it was the only thing she knew how to do. Added to that. everyone knew what she was and nobody was ready to give her a day-job. Those who gave her her ‘night-job’, their wives refused to keep her due to their “dislike” for Sheena. The truth was that they didn’t trust their husbands. And it wasn’t their fault either; as their suspicions were well-founded. The men needed Sheena for what she used to be reputed for.

Almost half an hour had passed and not a single car had passed by. Sheena was thinking about the next morning. She didn’t even have money to buy a cup of milk for Arjun. Arjun was growing into a smart boy. Her thoughts drifted to her precious son and she smiled, unaware of the glow illuminating her face.

She was lost in her own smiling thoughts when the car screeched to a halt in front of her. A bald man in his fifties signaled her to come in. The glow disappeared as fast as it had appeared, as if someone had cut a wire somewhere. She went inside reluctantly. Beggars could not be choosers. She should consider herself lucky that the man had stopped.

The man was much older and more drunk than she had guessed. He parked the car in the same shadows she had been standing in and without a word, pounced on her. He started tearing at her only pieces of clothing, his hands moving harshly all over her body; pinching, clawing squeezing, hurting her. She pleaded through broken whimpers for him to be gentle; but he ignored her, as they mostly do, the beasts in expensive clothing. Her clothes were falling apart along with her skin. His hands and teeth were attacking her from everywhere. Her voice was choking due to the immense pain she was going through as if even her old, battered and used body too, had limitations.

He freed himself of the expensive raiments like an animal shedding his borrowed human-costume and sodomised her. She gagged on the violence of it, the weight of it crushing her ribs, hitting her heart like a tonne of dropped bricks. Then suddenly he entered her with a vicious, hard push. She felt the unbearable and jolting pain shake her body while a forgotten, drenching wetness rapidly overflowed between her legs. She prayed for her life between sobs and silent screams. Her eyes burned from the continuous flow of tears that wouldn’t contain. But even between the breaths she struggled to take, she recognized the face on the other side of the glass that was staring at her with wide, bloodshot red eyes.

*

A few men out for fishing had found Sheena’s body drowned in a nearby lake. The small town authorities declared it as a simple case of suicide, ignoring the injuries all over her body. The only thought spared was, ‘Good riddance!‘.

*

Arjun wiped his tears. He had lost his beautiful mother forever. He had lost her because of his foolishness, as he had never tried to be anything else but that, a fool. He had never tried to find out the truth earlier. And when he finally had, he stayed there to witness that abominable misery and didn’t do anything about it. He was responsible for her death; he was responsible for what she was as he never worked, never shared the burden, never tried. She had to work to feed him; to take care of him, the worthless fool. The fool within him had led to his mother’s death; and now the fool within him compelled him to give up his own life too. A fool had no right to live.

He looked at the empty phenyl bottle lying near him even as his eyes drooped close.

Little did he know that he had become the fool he was because he had stubbornly survived every crude method his scared and hapless mother had used to kill him even before he was born.

———–

Co-authored by Neha and Guria.


The fellow Blog-a-Tonics who took part in this Blog-a-Ton and links to their respective posts can be checked here. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

Posted in BAT, Contests, Creations, Novelette, People and Relationships | 32 Comments

Sweet Life

One drop of ocean, two drops of sky
Added to fall leaves and a bit of spring-green
Along with flowers, and bring-home colours
Stirred with passion, and blown with snow
Just an ounce of sunshine, and a platter of raindrops
Balanced with rainbows and a hope that grows
Garnished with faith and sprinkles of laughter
Cooked to perfection, with changing flavours
Sometimes just fun, and sometimes sweet tears
Served with abundance, an abundance of love
That’s my sweet Life, a bottomless deep trove.
———

N.B. I have been on a poetic spree… Can’t help it if they turn out to be worth sharing! Love, G. 🙂
Posted in Creations, Happy, Life, Me, Verses | 8 Comments

A toast for the 100th Post

It is a known fact among my friends and near and dear ones that I cannot get along well with girls. Now now, before all you feminists (who are aware about the “actual” definition; if not then read this post) abandon reading; let me make this clear. I am a female myself; at least physically. And I have nothing against another lady so far as she is not at her screechy best and tantrums throwing gossiping one. But somehow I never got along very well with females. Until….

Ah, now don’t expect a story here people. There ain’t going to be any. But is is going to be all real. I did believe that there exists no female whom I can really like and befriend. There exists no female who is actually like me; until I met (not literally, but, ummm virtually?!?) this fantabulously amazing person.

It so happened in this very world of blogging that once I got a “sweet” comment on my blog. As the tradition goes here, I visited her space too. Something about her write ups made be keep going back to her page and eventually blogroll her. To cut the crap story short; in no time we became good friends thanks to our similar opinion about fellow bloggers. Don’t be hopeful now; we ain’t going to share our valuable opinion that is so very apt about few of you “fortunate” souls. But yeah, thanks to you guys; we are best of friends now.

The typical me can never stay around the main topic. Today is the day of another celebration. And on this special occasion, I should be talking about the MAVERICK. Special occasion of this being the 100th post for her. And she wanted me to write this post for her blog. Hope those few of you now know about the bond we share.


This Maverick is one of a kind when it comes to writing; and all of you will agree with me on this. Her posts make you think and wish you had written it. Her short stories make you laugh, cry, love the characters and wish to be like them. Her poems make you feel the pain and passion at the same time. Her satiric posts make you pray that hope she is not talking about you. Her sketches make you so jealous of the person she has sketched, because you couldn’t be there in that place. You can connect so well with her personal posts too; that not even once you feel that it is boring to read personal posts. Her subtle humour stays with you for a long time. In short, she is everything you want to be as a writer.

And I am one of the luckiest persons who is close to her. I feel elated each time she tells me that she loves me and my work. Her compliments make me truly believe that I have it all to be like her when it comes to writing; though deep down inside I know that it is not possible. I can never reach where she is. I cannot make people cry with my write ups; only she can do that. She has the ability to touch my heart which even I fail to do. Isn’t it a reason enough to believe that she is indeed the best? The Maverick?

MM is really very special to me; as I met Guria here. Rather I met my second personality here.

Don’t hate me people for coming up with such an awful post on this AMAZING occasion. But This mad girl asked me to write a post for the 100th post of MM. If I had not written anything; she would probably have not written a special post.

This post is special (I am not saying good) as it has US.

Love ya girl. And I want you to write the 200th post on MM. Start writing now only as the day is approaching soon.

A small piece of Limerick only for you and MM:

This one is Maverick Misfit’s 100th post.
It is my immense pleasure to be the host.
Girl you are the best.
It’s a time for the fest,
For the greatest MM and Guria, let’s raise a toast.



PS: I have linked few of her best write ups in this post. Kindly take the pain of reading those. I am sure you will not regret doing so.

PPS: Thank you!!!

Posted in Bloggers, Love | 17 Comments