I get angry fast and often, and one of my biggest regrets is that I can never hold on to my righteous anger for more than a few moments. It always happens that somebody has to say something funny just then! For heaven’s sake, couldn’t you hold it in for few more minutes?!
I have never found it easy to swallow back the tickle in my throat. I actually tried pushing down my laughter down my food pipe, because it sure doesn’t go down the wind-pipe without choking me, but my stomach doesn’t seem to be able to handle it any better than my throat can, it tickles too, and I have never pushed it further down, scared about the consequences. So, just imagine, I feel a good anger building on… Yeah! I can feel it coming, I am getting ready, starting to breath heavy like a bull, almost giving in to the tendency to paw the floor and CHARGE! But no, people have to make stupid faces, say something utterly nonsensical right then… And I have the world’s worst time keeping a straight and grave face.
I mean, Why me?!! If I try to crack a joke when someone else is angry, I think I should run for my life… Most swell like a bull-frog, all red in the face and seem like they are going to burst with the force of their anger. Their blessed anger not only increases on being laughed at, but erupts with good meaningful impact too. And mine always goes “Phooosh!“.. yes, I can almost always hear that.
Once I had made up my mind that I will use a piece of the new stationery (I collect) to list down the reasons, occasion with date when I got angry, with whom etc etc… But I had to discard the idea when I sat down all prepared, wrote my name calligraphically, painstakingly on the top, wrote the date, poised my good pen and found that I don’t remember a single incident!
That brings me to my second problem: I forget why I got irritated and enraged in the first place! Just when people start erupting in laughter all around me, and are looking at me knowing I am going to crack within the next two seconds, and I feel my lips twitching, and my will is almost near giving-up, I make up my mind very fast. “I’ll get back to this. Just remember why I got angry.. and we’ll sure get back to it. Watch out!“, I think. And then my belligerence gives away with the pressure of the bubbling laughter getting accumulated behind my tightly closed lips… It always starts with the corners of your lips, I personally believe, they leak, and I smile first, then my teeth seem too many to hold in my mouth, they glare… and then a gurgle comes out, combated choked laughter to you… finally when my brain sees no point in wasting electrical circuits and chemicals in fighting the laughter it wants too… and I’m rolling with the others too! At the end I am with them, chuckling, and teasing each other, including self… and see, even here I forgot to remember, I was supposed to be angry, for God’s sake!
Well, I know I turn thick-headed, refuse to listen to reason or accept that I may be wrong when I am irate… But surely that doesn’t give my family the license to undermine and take away my birthright (or, may be even constitutional right) to get angry every time I manage to cook up a nice and hearty rage! Hmmph!
N.B. Boy, I do feel stupid after being angry for no reason. G.