…do I have to be a Feminist?
I am honestly puzzled.
All the opinions expressed and arguments presented are mine, no one has to agree to them. This is not written as an amusement for the men, or for ridiculing anyone but an honest approach to try and bring clarity to what I consider a very muddy subject. I am keen to know what You think. Any mistake, please feel free to mention it, and I’ll try to rectify it immediately.
I have been reading/hearing the word “feminist” expressed in so many places in such varied instances that I felt compelled to look up its meaning. Yeah, I don’t know what it means, after all hearsay is inadmissible in the court of law.
My beloved Google came up with such immensely controversial explanations that I ended up more befuddled than before. So I sought refuge with the age-old method and reverted to my dear ole’ Oxford Dictionary.
feminism :
Is that what it means???
Now I am even more puzzled.
I’ll tell you what I found to be the standing meaning of “Feminism” is/was.
#1 A woman should have the freedom to do whatever a man can do.
Last I knew there were only two sexes amongst humans, then who are the women asking the permission from? But I am digressing…
So, according to that statement, I’ve seen women want the freedom to smoke outside, get drunk out on the roads, just like the men, you see! I mean, I have to do whatever a man can do. No choice about whether it is good or bad, I just want to be allowed able to do it. That’s one form of feminism I have actually seen. I do not know whether it includes giving up all those a man cannot do, and only a woman can. Don’t you think there is something wrong with the statement? To me, it sounds to be a case of inferiority complex and nothing else.
#2 Feminists have become synonymous with man-hater
I think this probably the worst interpretation of the word “feminism”, a personal vendetta against men. I cannot talk about the validity of being a man-hater because one shouldn’t talk about what one doesn’t understand. But to use the pretext of achieving equality for women to provoke or try to convert other women into hating men is despicable.
#3 As a woman and feminist you should always choose another woman
Scenario: Elections of United States, 2008
Case: Hilary Clinton put her hopes into her being a woman to get the votes of the female population when vying against Barack Obama for running in the Presidential Elections.
It is funny how being a feminist forces you to choose or support another woman, just because you are one. I thought feminism was about freedom, but here it seems the freedom comes with the price of being shackled in exactly the opposite way. Choose a woman (no one’s asking about your choice) because you are one. I was happy Obama ran for the President instead of Clinton, that was my choice.
So with all these points in mind, do you think I was wrong in saying I am NOT a feminist?
~What I think~
Why should I want to be like a man when I am born to be different? Why should I ask for permission from anyone, man or woman, just to be who I am? Feminism is required to show the women the way to believe that they are also worthy human beings. It should be there to help them gather the will to break through the shackles of that society that undermines women. For you can do everything for an abused, but if the abused doesn’t help herself, or doesn’t have the will to free herself, no one can help her (this just an example to stress the point). Equality should be stressed in letting a woman play to her strengths, accomplish what she is capable of acheiving, of pursuing her hobbies, her talents, of giving a woman a chance at her dreams, her wishes. Being a feminist doesn’t mean you give up your role as a nurturer, as a mother, as a wife, as a daughter-in-law or as a daughter. Feminism should teach other women to enjoy their difference from the men, to never think less of themselves and be who they are. As a woman, one should have the freedom of choosing whatever she wants. I can want to have a son or a daughter, I can have a man as my best friend, my choice will be as an individual, unaffected by any kind of forced gender bias. And others, especially men, should also understand that. Everything is not decided, or even affected, by what my gender is. That is what, I believe Equality entails. The first thing that equality requires is to understand there is no one superior, and no one inferior, and know it yourself, and know it in your heart. The movement starts at home.
What I believe I am or always want to be is a woman (and not be like a man), as feminine as I have been created to be, with the freedom to think, decide and choose independently. If being a feminist means just this and nothing else, then yes, I am a feminist.
P.S. Read this wonderful poem and feel the beauty of life. It’s my favourite. And somehow is so right here. Feel it: Menstruation by Rocksea. G. 🙂
About Guria
An Artist in Science: A Misfit 'cause I choose to be one. "Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time to reform" And a Maverick, because, I'm... umm... brilliant?
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Maverick Misfit 
amazing post…wish i had thought of writing it…even if i had, it wouldn't have been so amazing…each word mentioned here is so bloody true…we women have only set such low standards for ourselves…I agree that ours is a male dominating society, but given a chance, what do we do? we dominate them right? why can't we be individual simply? why to compare? fight? why can't we take a firm stand?
I will go on and on about this topic…mere andar ki aurat jaag gayi hai 😛
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the poems were good..but fcorz i cant feel them..my perception about feminism is pretty clear..and thankfully i dont brand any girl who argues coz of her ego for women as feminists..the true feminists i have come to see just shut,do what they please,with utter nonchalance,not even arguing with guys .u might find kushwant singhs perception of feminism more suitable than arundhati roy..peace..free
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Good one. It was one of the rare I agree with someone comkpletely
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Hey Soin
I like neither Khuswant Singh nor Arundhati Roy for some reason. Everyone has egos, some colossal, some less. But I agree what you call the true feminists, except I'd call them liberated and women, only.
And thanks for saying the poems were good. Wow, you actually said 'good'! Unprecedented! lol…
Hi Venky
I am glad you agree. 🙂
Don't you agree the perception needs clarifying?
Thanks buddy! 🙂
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She should be allowed to do exactly what she wants to,drink,smoke and decide for herself.Like males,even they have only one life to live.
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Very good one, coming from someone who truely understand what feminism actually is:) you have summed it up in one line i would say “Feminism should teach other women to enjoy their difference from the men,” . The problem is often the vast difference between the actual definition and its interpretation!!
BTW, for your information I had read both your “detached observation” and your “the reason” too 🙂
And again BTW:) was my comment in your last mystic poem about that “son” thing one of the contributor who compelled you to write this 😛
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Agree with you thoroughly.
These rantings about feminism never made any sense to me. Statements like 'Give us our freedom,' 'We need our rights,' etc. make me sick. I mean, who is anyone to give her HER OWN freedom and rights? Can't the so-called feminists understand that these kinds of claims make them look weaker or inferior – indirectly?! If a woman wants to do something for HERSELF and not because a man has done it (she doesn't have to prove herself to anybody), she has GOT to take a step towards doing it – without worrying about its ramifications. It's that simple. That's all there is to her freedom and rights. Instead of understanding this logic, why the hoopla? Why the argument? Why waste time? Why lose focus on the job at hand?
Well, it was a tremendous post. Thought provoking! 🙂
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Hello Chowla-ji
I agree a woman can do whatever she wants to but to I don't think they should bring the Quest for Equality down to that level, not when there are bigger issues at hand… Isn't that right? 🙂
Hi Mustaf
Yes, you are right. I was literally puzzled why you all made, me writing “son”, a question. I wrote it because I felt it, and the thing I least thought about. If I had written “daughter” you would have asked the same. 🙂
Thanks for agreeing. I do not claim to be a feminist, I am just independent. 🙂
Hey Karthik
Actually I believe, one can only HELP another to break through shackles and that is where Feminism is needed. The SUPPORT in claiming one's own freedom. But the Final act/Will has have to be the individual's. No one can help one but self. This is the interpretation of feminism I believe in.
One's sense equality is in one's own head, no one can give it to you, and no one can take it away. 🙂
Thanks for your thoughts buddy! 🙂
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Agree partly and disagree strongly 😛
A woman should have the freedom to do whatever a man can do -> I feel she must have it as long as she wishes to have that freedom.
“I have to do whatever a man can do.” -> it doesnt say you have to do it.. it just says you can do it, if you want to do it. And if you do not have the freedom to do what you want, is it worth living in a democratic country? Isnt it like living in those countries where women have to cover their face and cannot get education and are treated like animals? Everyone has the right to do whatever they want. It is their own wish. When a man can smoke, why shouldnt a woman smoke? It is her life, her wish. But I personally dont like seeing girls getting drunk like that 😀
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Sure,give them the freedom to think and take their own decisions.Rest will fall in line.
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Men and women in our society have not matured…they have progressed materialistically but not matured mentally.
I do feel men should be men and women should be women, trying to establish too much equality or changing roles is counter productive.
If it is a situation where the man has to run the household and the woman has to go out and earn the dough – then so be it – this is acceptability of a situation rather a fight for equal rights.Society should not ridicule that man.
If a career-oriented woman choses to give up her career and focus on raising the baby, then people should not taunt her with “you're wasting your life” kind of statements.
In today's difficult times, whatever is the mutually agreeable solution should be the right course of action without worrying about popular opinion.
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Great to See Some thing Brainy.
In my school day, I had been to a debate and I delivered same point there.I was totally ashtonished that time to see that Female were not able to see what Feminism was/is.
Keep it up!!
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Loved the poem!
I so completely second your thoughts over being a feminist that i dont think there is anything i want to add to this.
Just that i am what i am and i am happy with what i am.
Cheers buddy 🙂
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Hey Guria…wondering someone wud actually write on this! I think Feminism is more in one's mind rather than the larger its to the society…am quite feeling weird abt the fact that Feminism can quite be synonomous to man haters!Yep it makes quite despicable and no wonder some time it appears to look inferior. All the reservation and women bills passing does look to the society and outside as Women power emerging, but reality it does make look then inferior. Again yes it depends on each nation i guess. Kudos to yu for such a nice post…been to ma blog lately? 😀 cya
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so my reputation is that a cynic han?? so unfair..there will be many to say u write well and all. thats y i do the dirty work..whats the use if we agree on all..mayb if u wrote the poems i wudnt have said good.. u get the drift nah..free
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Hey Ashwini
Actually I should have been more clear about that. Because I am with you on the point you made but you missed my point.
Equality that is to be achieved in the society shouldn't be claimed for the right to smoke, when, as you said, there are greater issues like girls having to cover their faces, not allowed to learn etc.
What a man can do, a woman also can, I know. But it is, is a case of Inferiority complex, I think, when you go around saying that. What you can do, just do it, why the hell compare. Just be You! That's what I believe. Why should I do and be like a man when I can be better as the feminine human being I am…
You'll see I use the word “forced”, meaning our choices shouldn't be forced. And freedom isn't something that can be forced, right?
I wasn't talking about the need for freedom but the misuse of the concept here. And I deplore comparisons between man and woman.
So did I make any sense here? 😛
🙂
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Hi again, Chowla-ji
🙂
That was what I wanted to say. 🙂
And again while that is happening, one shouldn't misuse and dis-value the worth of freedom.
Hi, Gyanban
I think, people are maturing today. All said and done I think people should treated as individuals in their thinking and actions, and not by their genders. Of course, genders come into play but that is a different story all together. 🙂
But equality is required when a person needs to be as free in his/her thinking as the next person. Equal freedom. 🙂
Am I right? 😛
Hey Makk
A lot of people really don't know what actually feminism wants. It happens with a lot of things. People talk, and talk wrong about what they don't understand. Hell, some even don't know what they want themselves, and yet talk. 😛
Hey Rashmi
Good to see you here! 🙂
I am glad you understood what I tried to say… Thanks 🙂
Hiya HaRy
That's not fair, yaar, I said I can't access blogs 😦
But I read your post, will leave a note later, promise 😛
About this one…
I still believe issues are tried being revolved the wrong way. It shouldn't be a tug of war for power between man and woman. But feminism should help a woman gather the courage to achieve what she can achieve (again, it can only help, after all, the final help comes from self only)
🙂
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Hi soin
So, what's the dirty work?? You telling me the Truth, that I don't write well!! 😛 😀
Anyways, I do that a lot too, diagree for the sake of disagreeing and I understand your motivation…
You know why?! “Been there, done that” 😉
And I do not think you are a cynic… I think you are just terribly insatisfied and lost. You don't have to answer, but am I right? 😉 😛
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Ashwini and also Others,
Did you read the “What I think” part at the end of the post?
Guria. 🙂
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Aree..I read and commented na 😛 that you have pretty much summed it up in one sentence “Feminism should teach other women to enjoy their difference from the men,”
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is it something to 'teach' someone in particular?
honestly speaking you made me more clearer than ever.
thank you….
btw i am now bored with saying brilliant and too good every time i read u…just take it from granted from now on..
btw do read it:
http://www.spynets.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=2644
maza aayega 🙂
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Hey Mustaf
Okay, this time I'll only say… thank you!! 😛 🙂
Hi Rahul
It is not exactly to teach but to show, but when we are in a male-dominated society, it helps if someone can teach women to be proud of who they are, isn't it?
And thank you for your effusive compliments! 😛 🙂
I'll check but not right away, you probably don't know, my lappy is gone to the hospital 😛 🙂
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Go girl.. ooh yes.. thats we are talking about.. some serious business. The best thing I've heard about after ages.. Thats how we are.. and thats how we should be. and some “men” think we are over educated and overreacting to things we say about our rights!! its a shame of how low they think about us, isn't it. Sreya, hats off babe!!
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i think you r right, but i also feel that definition might be written in dictionary in accordance with the condition and thoughts of women that time- the time of male dominancy
That is no the case now, and society is no more male dominant, so it need to be revised with time
gr8 thoughts
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There my friend… u have hit the exact chord in the world….
if only google will change definition…:D
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Hi….
Pretty good analysis…
I am not disagreeing here. I want to add one more aspect.
If a man can be himself without saying that “I am a masculinist”….then a woman can be herself without saying 'I am a feminist '…..
My concern here is not about feminism/masculinism, but why should we let the isms to take over us.
We should not be means to isms to sevre their ends, rather, isms shouls be used as means to reach our ends…..
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ooops sorry didnt see yur previous update from prev post yet….tak care
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Hi Raji
I am happy that you understood! 🙂
But don't you think sometimes others think low of us because it is the way we have allowed them to think, and even sometimes that is the way, some women have felt themselves. That is something I wanted to stress on: Be proud of who you are, and enjoy your difference.
No wonder I proudly proclaim that I'm a Misft! 😛 😀
Thanks, girlie! 🙂
Howdy Chetan
You know the society is changing but our bend of mind needs more time to change. We are still learning, aren't we? Our next generation probably won't feel the effects anymore but till that happens we have to keep trying in order to obliterate all feelings of inequality, and the 'shackles'
Thanks for your insught, buddy… 🙂
Ahh, the Sid
And I thought I could never hit the right chord! 😛 😀
So, why don't YOU help Google?!! 😛 😀
Thanks… 🙂
Hey Mahesh
The “-ism” man himself!! 😀
You know, that is the exact thing that prompted me to write this. If a man isn't bothered with masculinism, then why in the world people bother ME with feminism, when that is the last thing on my mind… lol… 🙂
Thanks, buddy… 🙂
Hey HaRy
That's okay! 😛
Don't lose hope on me, I'll be seen back here, before you know it! 🙂
You, too, take care! 🙂
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not all wandering souls are lost.. am a wandering one and not lost.. and fcorz ppl like me can never be satisfied..free
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hi!
According to me feminism is necessary only where there is need for it.. as in.. when a woman is being deprived of something just because of her sex even though she is more qualified than the male..
but unnecessary protest marches and huge loud placards are just that.. unnecessary…
i go with the oxford meaning.. am a feminist and i say so proudly.. because i will do what i want to do and will not ask anybody any permission for it because its my life and my earth too…
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I agree 1000% with you.
Once me and my friend were having this discussion and i was stressing that women needed to be treated equally. He asked me a question that baffled me. He said, “You wanted to be treated as equals yet you go around begging for reservations. If you want to be equals then act as one. If you have brains you dont need reservations to get through”. and actually he was right. We women look down up on ourselves. Attitude should change in us not in men :).
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I asked u to publish my comment later…that doesn't mean u ignore me completely and not reply to it at all 😮 mere andar ki aurat hurt ho gayi…
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Agree girl but it is society which makes a woman fight for her rights. If a girl does something which a guy does (because she wants to do it and not to prove something), the society doesnt approve of it. Does it? e.g: If a guy remarries, it is not an issue but if a girl does it, people raise their eyebrows. I dont think any girl would do something just to prove she is better than a man (because we can do somethings like taking care of a kid better than any man). and there is nothing that a woman cannot do and a man can do!
P.s: what made you write this? 🙂
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though provoking writing….
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girl very interesting post…honestly i dint know feminist meaning till i read this!!..i only thought the last meaning on which u agree!!…sooo kind of i'm wondering !!…he he
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Agree whole heartedly to the last part of the post girlie.. “with the freedom to think, decide and choose independently.” 🙂
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any -ism ends up as a cult …. its simple 😦
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Guria, today I got time to read the entire writeup. There is a lot in life a woman can do as a woman and a man can do as man. When I hear or read a lot of the so-called feministic literature out there, I feel something missing, something skewed, and a loss of compassion. Those views may be baised on the past and present male dominance prelevant in many societies, but the way it is dealt with “usually”, is not a logical or compassionate one, but a kind of utopian one, just like how extreme capitalism was dealth with extreme communism. In the midst of all these, a clear view of the needs of a woman, as presented by you, is much appreciated.
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Guria Ji!
I read this post long time back and commented!But my comment vanished in thin air!
Comin onto the post!
Everything is right! But this post made me think so much! Girl, we are all in the e-age and argue these things theoretically! How many of these are happening practically! Though we boast that we are feminists, can we change every other woman like that!? How many woman are fighting for their rights? Many are afraid of the society! Still our society is not well matured to accept these equality persisting among men and women!
Good write up! Hope atleast this comment will get published!
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Guria,
In India we deify women, we demonize them too. We discriminate and deride women, we place her on a pedestal too. A woman is often mis-understood but hardly understood.
Personally I would be happier if we could relegate feminism to the annals of encyclopedias. It should be more basic than that. Two people in the same land should be held to the same set of rules irrespective of their gender, race, caste or sexual orientation.
If a woman is denied a freedom that is accorded unquestioned to men it is just plain wrong. Same if it were because of caste.
Sadly feminism of today manifests as just opportunism — like Mrs. Clinton you mentioned or the Renuka Chaudharies of our own..
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good post… sure… A girl can drink and smoke…. I think no one will object that…..
everyone is equal.. let them do whatever they want to do….
and my apologies if i havent commented on some of your post.. little busy these days..
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hey..that was a good post… A women should have freedom of choosing whatever she wants.. thats true.. she can drink and smoke… everyone is equal in this world…
I guess the word feminist has been misunderstood by many….. and even I never knew the exact meaning until I read this post… good one….
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Hmmmm… quite honestly, I don't understand this overrated debate about gender (in)equality.
I understand that there are rapes, vaginal circumcisions, molestations, dowry & honor killings, female infanticides and a hell lot of atrocities on women in different parts of the world. But then there are also crimes against men. Thats what these are… plain and simple crimes.
These are not about gender inequality. Most of the times these atrocities are perpetrated by women. “Nari hi Nari ki sabse badi dushman hai”. Then how can we term these as gender inequality.
These are some of the saddest parts of our evolving social fabric. But please don't attach the label of gender inequality to these crimes and let some wily feminists use them to make personal gains.
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To EVERYONE
This is not a comparison post between Men and Women, which, for some reason, I think a lot of people are associating this to. But I have tried to bring clarity to what I think of the misuse of the word Feminism. I am not debating over the validity of the existence of the concept. Because, honestly, I have tried to explain only the definition of it.
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Hey soin
That's my favourite quote too: All those who wander, are not lost… but I still will hold on to my previous opinion. 🙂
Hi Tanmaya
I agree completely to what you say. I think, all we can offer is support (and nothing less or more) to those who need it.
Hiya Harini
Absolutely girl! You understood it perfectly, and expressed it better. By misusing we belittle ourselves and no one else. Thankss… 🙂
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Hey Avada
Girl, I am completely against comparing what a woman can/cannot do to what a man can/cannot do. Why in the world should I compare? With freedom, I should keep shut and just do it. The first statement should be Women should have the freedom to do whatever she wants to/can do, why compare with the men???
I talk about Equality only in procuring the freedom, and nothing else.
What made me write this??
People asking me why I wrote “son” instead of “daughter” in my last post!!! For heaven's sake, I'll write whatever I want! Why the hell, should feminism be a factor in my poem??? Those comments had hit me out of the blue! Especially when THAT was the last thing on my mind 😛 :):)
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Hi Asit
Welcome to MM 🙂
And thank you…
Hey Yellow Tulip
That's how it should be… To know the right meaning and not go around asking others for your right that is rightfully yours. 🙂
Hey Naven
I don't know about '-isms' and 'cults', but I wrote what I believe and prefer people not to categorise me (also others) into one just because I happen to match the description. 😛
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Hey rocksea
I am so glad to see you here 🙂
And doubly glad that you actually understood that all I ask is “never to compare” (i ask that all the time actually), and that equality not to mean that we want to be treated as special cases 'cause of our gender, but to be normal and special only as an individual. 🙂 🙂
Thankss… 🙂
Hi Shruti
I am sorry! But there was no other comments from you, I checked! 😛
Girl, feminism should be used to help those women to go against the suppression of the society, against the grind. But if we ourselves make us a special case, we ourselves don't grant us equality. Just have your independence and go your own way. That is true equality, isn't it? Do you agree? Each individual needs to fight for his/her independence (man or woman), why make us a special case??
Hi Madhu
Your comment made me feel good 🙂
You understood what I meant.
As a female, I never want to make myself a special case, with a feminist tag, but be an individual, as normal as any other, while going about my own way. Though sometimes women do need the HELP to go against the norm, well, give help there and do away with the rest of the bias.
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Hi Wallpaper World
LOL… that is the most indiffrent comment I've read so far… I actually said that to stress upon the misuse of the concept 🙂
Thanks… 🙂
Hey Shankar
I'd thought you had forgotten about MM 😛 🙂
You know more than being misunderstood, I think, feminism has been misused. I only talked about here as an individual, not as a feminist. That my place in the society is mine irrespective of my gender. I don't want extra benefits, nor do I want suppressive bias.
Heyy Paritosh
Where have you been?? Missed you here! 🙂 🙂
But you have missed completely what I wanted to say here. 😛
Did you read “What I think” at the end of the post?
I absolutely deplore gender comparisons. What I wanted to say was Equality irrespective of the gender debate. I know about the atrocities towards men, and wasn't talking about it here. This post was completely directed towards the women asking them not to misuse the word 'feminism', to stop comparing, and be yourself. That don't ask for equality and special benefits in the same breath. Be an individual. 🙂
So, now do you agree to what I tried to say?
As for atrocities towards men, that's the other side of the same coin, you know. Nothing is perfect. And everything has repurcussions. But that's for some other post 🙂 🙂
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Heyyy dear Neha
I was saving my reply to you 🙂 😉
Well, what can I say to you? After all you understood every word I said here, as compared to the looong comments I have been posting in my own comments' box… lol…
Well, I know you understand, after all, we believe in the same thing! Now let the 'andar ki aurat' sleep!! And be a lawyer!! :~))
P.S. Sounds like more 'MAska' huh?? 😀
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