Disappointments

That I could call heartbreak a disappointment told me that all wasn’t lost. That even as I lay amongst heaps of the broken shards, I held on to that power of becoming whole one day. That there was a stronger me, who may be was struggling now, but would eventually emerge victorious. That there would be a better me, who’d discover greatness in self, and laugh away the breaking of her heart as a matter of no consequence.
But tonight, my heart ached with every beat. Beaten and battered, it counted every hurting moment with the ticking of the clock. And wondered, how many times would it believe in the same lie over and over again, just before the truth would surface to dash every hope. Every whispered wish will get blown away again, all the smiles would dissolve into crushing misery and the heart would be smashed into smithereens all over again.
My eyes stay wide open but refuse to see. All they seek was solace in the fleeting lies, forgetting every time that no one, no one would be there to pick up the pieces when the pretenses ended, when the charade was too tiring.
I am a child- refusing to believe that there is no Santa Claus, holding on to the conviction that there are always happy endings. That one day this sorrow will all be worth its while.
It was the most dangerous thing. To be let down, to be cast aside, to be thrown away and forgotten times over times but the spirit refused to balk. It refused to be crushed in its wavering but omnipresent faith. Hope kept giving it life, against all odds. Was it weakness or was it strength? The line between the two is blurred, but it definitely was foolhardy.
I’d make pacts with the Gods, closing loopholes, asking for miracles! I was foolish but with tied hands, that folded on its own in the middle of the night as the tears dripped into the pillow, I knew not what to ask for. The freedom from the deadly cycle, or to travel back to the beginning of the cycle, to those incomparable moments before the heartbreak, all the while hoping that it would be different this time.
Hope is a terrible thing. It keeps you alive, when you would have died a long time back.


P.S. It is crazy how I discover inspirations in the most unlikely, and definitely unwanted, places. This piece happens to be a fragment of what was begun earlier a continuation to “the realization of an old dream”, the inspiration of which I could have easily done without. The piece that preceded this one, is The Beginning of An End, but can be read standalone too.
In other news, the news from BlogAdda egged me on like never before, and I am back at my blog. It’s not about the votes or who wins from now on, but that fact that I got discovered, and rediscovered, not only by BlogAdda and other bloggers (and a jury, no less!) but also people who didn’t know me as a blogger-writer was the biggest prize of all. (Though I am hoping that the latter will do me a favor and never read me! It’s embarrassing!)  ~ G.
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About Guria

An Artist in Science - I am a Misfit 'cause I choose to be one. "Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time to reform" And I am a Maverick, because, I'm... umm... brilliant?
This entry was posted in Abstract, Catharsis, Chapters, Creations, People and Relationships, Philosophy, Soliloquy. Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to Disappointments

  1. Good luck for the Blogadda contest. You really deserve the award. You are one of the best bloggers 🙂

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  2. Raj says:

    ask yourself and you shall find all the questions as well as the answers.

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  3. Guria says:

    A little delayed but a heartfelt “thank you” all the same, AK… This coming from a wonderful blogger herself makes it even more special… However, I crashed out in the Top % selection but happy to be Top 10 =)

    Raj… stopped asking myself, it brings on a migraine. Instead I use the words and transfer the headache to the readers… they are much smarter than me 😛

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  4. Raj says:

    so how about a question answer session then? 😛

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  5. Guria says:

    Raj, then I will have to add you over a social network… 😀

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  6. Raj says:

    i kind of like the sound of that. when are we doing it?

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  7. Guria says:

    This comment has been removed by the author.

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  8. Anonymous says:

    What you have written is very owerful very real but its negative. People reading this is a will be demotivated. Hope is always not bad. If you put in the right amount of dedication show sickeningly stubborn willpower hope will make you achieve things that you would have thought was unachievable. But if you are just hoping and not putting in those extra things that are needed then it definitly is a terrible thing and keeps you alive when you should hve died earlier.

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