One day I will come back bigger and better. I had promised myself, even while I found myself slinking away, like sliding in the mud after a torrential rain, unable to gain a strong foothold as much as I tried… But I did promise myself. I will not be a mere human.
I had sworn I won’t feel, I won’t be weak. I wouldn’t care, nor would I love. I wouldn’t be hurt, nothing would make me cry. I was going to be great, the epitome of all that greatness possibly can be! You wouldn’t call me human, I was going to be God.
But the lures of this illusion that I am trapped in, this wondrous, scary place called the earth- in all its glory, its beauty, its inhabitants and its sterling lies. My mind would wander and in a weak moment, get ensnared in the spinning tales of love and laughter. And there I would fall back again. I resolve to rise. I resolve to be. But a bit of my heart that doesn’t know to keep shut says I can’t be what I want to be. For I am already what I am destined to be. Always a human. Feeling, loving, crying.
One day I was going to come back bigger and better, in a life beyond the petty, the irrelevant. But I couldn’t make myself go. I couldn’t make myself leave the illusion, the faith that this dry, wicked, uncaring world will love you back one day, one fine day. So, I stayed on. Or that cruel hope did.