I so want to stop, just that pause before I run to all that I love but cannot stop and wait for time to catch up with me. Or is it me that’s running behind, trying to keep up with the time that I will never reach?
Is it the people, tied together with the invisible strings of affection and dependence and pulled apart by ambitions and wild dreams, that won’t let me be? Or is it my own loneliness that won’t let me die alone or the urge to be witnesses to each others’ lives that won’t let me be alone?
Or is it just the taken-for-granted that stayed inviable while in front of you till you really couldn’t see it anymore?
There’s a happiness when dreams come true but life’s more exciting when they tell you I have better plans for you… call it luck or destiny or divine intervention (that Someone above your head who’ll never let you fall as you are His child) but it is something to really think about… to land up somewhere better than what you could have ever planned for!
All you can do is Hope and never lose that Faith.
Family, friends and love sustains and makes you wanna run harder, faster to that big destination even while you savor the journey. Seems like a contradiction but it is what drives us, drives me… ambitions and the selfish me pales in comparison.
And then there is the lure of Home…..
The season of celebrations pulls me from half across the globe. A mimicry of the real thing, a faint shadow to keep the restive heart content… nothing can compare to the pangs of not being or the sublime joy of being in Calcutta during the Durga pujas….
There are people I miss too, virtual and real, getting lost in the cycles of the sun trying to reach out onto the other side of the world, I feel I age faster and connect less. But I will eventually… one day I will catch up with time again!
Do I make any sense? I don;t know. All I know I have this in my heart, rains and shine and all that that makes me human and fuels me to keep moving. Some things you never give up on without making the best deal out of it. A bittersweet mixture of things that you can;t have at the same time…..
Making plans of how I am going to change the world and how I am going to make my world…..
And at the end of the day it seems, I haven’t grown up after all…….
I am glad.
Oh, but I understood priorities and learned what is the actually real thing. It is not what we think it is.
Does any one miss me? I miss “the misfit girl”… it’s so hard not to be “maverick-ly” me!
P.S. Shubho Mahalaya! Lots of Love and Best Wishes.
do I even have to say I miss you? those who are yours will be around whether you connect to them thru those electronic mediums or not..ok, i m in a very senti mood..will write you soon..
Shubho Mahalaya to you, Sreya 🙂 I am in Calcutta today, trying in vain to search for Autumn colours in the grey overcast sky.
Pujo inevitabely brings back memories of gone-back days – of school days and college life; of Durga Bari & Maddox Square. Even if they are a fixture in my present routine, things are not really the same as they used to be.
I am sure you will be able to experience a different kind of pujo this time at Massachusetts and many wishes for the festive season.
You're so young, and you think so much… such deep thoughts.. a sense of loneliness or restlessness too, hidden somewhere… ignore me if I am blabbering. But Happy Pujo anyway 🙂