I’m an obsessed, self-centered and self-serving individual in most of the moments in my life but there are times I even manage to surprise myself with golden moments of selflessness. And that’s not an easy feat, surprising myself in light of having a brain that works faster than most.
My moments of selflessness are more of pin-pricks of illumination of my recurring self-realization that I’m a pain in the ass. Those rare, rare moments when I acknowledge the sacrifices faced, the strength exercised by the person next to me takes to spend hours, let alone days, with me. Oh no, don’t you go down that lane. I am not in requirement of a cologne or anything. You can of it just as that my over-bearing, over-reacting and over-smart brain gives to my personality a hue of very bright colors, nice to the eyes and any other related senses only when it is dark.
Amazingly, bearing my ill attitude and experiencing not-so nice persona day-in and day-out becomes a sweet habit hard to break, like cocaine maybe, or maybe the cheaper marijuana. Guess, I should be glad that people have the tendency to be attracted to the wrong thing at most of the times. Call it addiction or call it by their term, Love. That’s how I ensnare them. Not that I do anything specific with a beautifully orchestrated and cloaked ulterior motive, since this is an illuminating post, I should take some responsibility for their headlong fall into loving me.
Flaws that I have — you are hearing me say this once, you’ll never hear me say it again, and if you ever dare to mention this instance, I’ll punch you, happily — the flaws that I have are enormous in proportion to my virtues, and I do not do much about them. For the others actually love me the way I am. In my interpretation, they tag me “hopeless” with the definite thought that, surely no improvement could be had on the manufacturing defect(s) in me.
Yesterday Me the blog completed one whole year. And still I haven’t been liquidated. What do I call that but love. People actually had been observed to be crazy. Details of which I cannot venture into without pinkened cheeks… Yes, the shameless me can also be shy and embarassed.
But in this post, where I’ve sworn truthful I must say, it is a wonderful feeling to be loved. Deep in my heart besides the omniscient thought of commercial gain (better described as comments and unique hits), there was the feeling of worthiness. To be loved and cherished even for one fleeting moment can change your life.
With all my shortcomings, all things not so good in me, this selfish beast in me turns human with your love (and patronage?) and can say your magnanimity doesn’t go unrequited or unnoticed. Against all my good common senses, and business mind’s advices, I’d say, even if you do not come wading this way again, your love will be the stronghold for this journey, a self-seeking journey that made me a better person than before. And before you pounce on the word ‘better’, let me tell you, it still ain’t that much of an improvement… In Algebra it would have been (x+ 0.000000001) which can be considered as x only! So contradicting myself, will you guys wait for the next birthday, just to help me lessen the number of zeros after the point and before 1?
Oops, I think my quota of being self-disinterested is over.
lots of Love,
Points to be Noted:
- Every time that I sneeze, I write better.
- How did I ever forget that I can never have a writers’ block with this going for me.
- And gee, I can be honest too!
- I’m too much of a misfit for my own good.
- You can say ‘Happy Birthday!’ and eat the cake too.
- Thank You: Pra, Avada, Raji, Shilpa, Rohini, Vidhu, Ana, Sammy, Harini, Meghpeon, Ste, Pawan, Sid, Harsha, Lakshmi Rajan, Mohammed, Gyanban, Chriz. And Neha.