Are You a "typical" INDIAN???

CAUTION: Before you proceed, please understand that this a simple humorous piece which bears no definite relation to anything, and is only written as and for a source of fun and enjoyment, and not at all to offend or hurt anyone’s ego! If you believe you cannot read and think objectively (and humorously), please do not go beyond this sentence! See, you still did! Okay, on your head be it then! If you are offended in any way, the fault lies with you and you alone.

I’m an Indian, by heart, soul, mind, culture, birth, origins, you name it, I’m it. Yes, I am trying to go abroad for “higher studies”, I love my country but I’m not blind. Yes, India needs work on a lot of fronts, opportunities are difficult to come by etc etc, but I’m still an Indian and proud to be so and there are several in the crowd (at least in my crowd and I believe, outside of it too) who will agree to the same.

Of course, the number of “proud” Indians are dwindling day by day. There are converts who are oh-so-ashamed and who find their pride in the fact they loathe not being born in the West, and there starts their litany, ‘India is so tacky!’ ‘It is so backward!’ Blah! Blah! Blah! (I hope you understand the nasal falsetto required to read the quoted sentences) Well, you can very easily relate them to the “dhobi ka kutta” (For my non-Hindi readers, it is a washer man’s dog) for they can neither belong to the West and I assure you, they don’t belong here either! (It is a Hindi proverb, “dhobi ka kutta, naa ghar ka naa ghat ka” roughly translated, it means ‘neither here nor there’)

This article is for the other Indians who are, simply put, happy to be who they are.

So, to revert to my original question, “Are you a typical Indian???”

Well, you see, very recently I learned that there are Indians (already fallen from grace) and then there are the “typical” Indians (not only fallen from grace, you are on your way to Hell) This is a distinction that, i warn you, not everyone can grasp. However hard I may try to help you to understand ‘the concept’, you must know that the distinction is understood by a few. I guess, now you understand why I digressed and introduced the classic I-hate-India-and-why-the-hell-am-i-not-an-American, elite individuals (Americans, I apologize for bringing you into the fray, but it’s kind of a notion they have that West equates to America, completely bypassing Europe… I’m sure you can do without this burden).

I have been condemned to the lowest rung a long time back, since i could not portray the requisite enthusiasm to the elitists’ ideas. (I quarrel well, and it can be downright difficult to win against me, especially when I’m right so, my place in their books was decided pretty quickly) Nowadays, I totally am adapted to these kind of people after meeting several of their kind, just like many of you must be. It is a topic which we (who are not among the few) have exhausted, are not interested in any more and don’t really think about too much. But this idea of being a “typical” Indian really got my attention!

So, what does make you a “typical” Indian?

Here are some pointers to help you.

Your ex-friend is going abroad, you want to end things on a good note, and want to wish him/her luck for old times’ sake, knowing that your paths may never cross again… you thought to let by-gones be by-gones and make a nice ending of it all, with nothing but good wishes? Well, that makes you a Typical Indian… You are actually doing this since your friend is going to America and you are not, you just want to get into your friend’s good books (after all you need your friend’s help to follow him/her abroad because you won’t be able to do it alone! And moreover your friend will be earning in dollars, huh!) It does not matter that your ex-friend was the one who initiated the meeting in the first place.

It is pathetic being friends with you because your friendship is synonymous with “politics”. You couldn’t understand the veritable honor of his/her friendship bestowed on you! That’s why you never talked to your friend, avoided your friend like plague. Never mind the fact that your friend is your ex-friend because of multi-standards, double-triple-quadruple crossings, and was the one responsible for the falling out among most friends (Did anyone say “back-biting and manipulative”?!). But it is always you involved in politics. And of course, you are jealous.

How pitiful can you get that you intend to come back to bloody India of all places? Oh, you are typical Indians! (Or mebbe, you are not as lucky, no, no, not as accomplished as a certain someone to be accepted with wide arms in the States)

If you do not agree Indians are cowards/spineless because the students cannot barge into their university campus with an AK-47 (and the sort) and kill people, you are pathetically typical.

A few other small points:
If you do not have many cousins spread through out North America (only Canada allowed besides, the US of A) or UK. It is a show of status, other European countries don’t count. You do not speak English all the time and resort to your mother tongue. You can read and write well in your mother-tongue.

Lastly, of all that I have known till now:
You don’t feel condemned to be born in India, and you think of going abroad for studying as a step in your career and not a means to escape. You want to stay back with your parents???

Oh, you Indians! No wonder, you are hopeless! *sigh*

As an expansive writer with the means of broadcasting via my blog, I could not resist the chance to share this experience/observations with you. Many of you know about these first hand. This may offend several, but more numbers will agree, as nothing is exaggerated, instead I’ve actually toned it down!

Though I am forced to amend some do suck up for their own means to an end, not everybody are so undignified or have the urge. It may come as a surprise but most of us are self-sufficient enough not to be a hypocrite or a sycophant!

So, all you unlucky, born-in-India but-won’t-be-Indians-at-the-first-chance-you-get, all the best in your lives. Keep your mouth shut while getting your visas. Enjoy being a non-Indian. And God save America!

And again, yes, I’ll be going abroad to study (and only study), yes, because of the awesome infrastructure, ease of working, opportunities etc etc but in exchange they’ll be getting me, my talent and my brains. The way I look at it, I am doing them a favour as much as they are doing me. We go abroad ’cause we choose to, and not because we have our own identities to create.

By the way, the other Indian readers, so…

Aren’t you a typical Indian??? :~))

About Guria

An Artist in Science: A Misfit 'cause I choose to be one. "Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time to reform" And a Maverick, because, I'm... umm... brilliant?
This entry was posted in Friends, India, Laughs, Observer, Sarcasm. Bookmark the permalink.

13 Responses to Are You a "typical" INDIAN???

  1. Samadrita says:

    Well there was a time when I too fantasized about a life in New York.Donno why but that place has always held a magnetic charm for me.
    But now I know better.India is now among the developing nations of the world.And I've set my heart on contributing,in whatever feeble way I can,towards that progress.
    I'd prefer helping my own nation rather than let my services be bought by some other country that doesn't recognize me as one of it's own.

    P.S:I'm following you as Mayflower20 on twitter. ๐Ÿ™‚


  2. Kaka says:

    nice post…)i am typical indian with the only difference i am not going anywhere


  3. Sreya says:


    I'll follow you back on Twitter! ๐Ÿ™‚
    You know, even I've a fascination for NY, strange isn't it! But the point I wanted to get across was being an Indian doesn't make us any less than any other Westerners! Being called an “typical Indian” as an insult is not something I understand at all!!! I really consider those people pathetic who belittle their own country, it never makes anyone greater!

    And, yup, thanks for dropping by… I really enjoy your blog, you know!!

    Loads of Smiles! :~))


  4. Sreya says:


    Great! We have another similarity. Besides being football fanatics, we both are also typical Indians!
    and you know, staying back in India is nothing bad at all! Who wants to live as a second class citizen!!! ๐Ÿ™‚

    *Cheers* :~))


  5. *uncorked says:

    Nice post – I'm not a typical Indian, or an Indian for that matter, but I will be going to India for work this fall and I can't wait. I've never been there but everyone else in my office has. I know it's going to be a bit of culture shock for me, and I know there are going to be some difficult things to see, but I'm excited to go and finally meet my team that I've been working with for two years now.


  6. Sreya says:


    I'm really glad you are coming to India, you'll enjoy it, inspite of the cultural shock! The people are actually very nice and warm!

    You know, this post is about those people who have never heard the proverb “the other side of the river is always greener”,I'm sure every one has their own share of this breed of people! We all have our own merits and own drawbacks, but try and explain it to them!

    By the way, are you used to eating spicy food? Otherwise you are in for a treat of your lifetime! ๐Ÿ™‚



  7. ha ha ha…..
    good one……awesome….
    and all i can say is that, u did good by adding that “CAUTION” thing at the very begining. That was neccessary!!


  8. Sreya says:

    @ arunava

    I did think you'll enjoy this!
    Yeah, the CAUTION was for those people who come in here secretly! ๐Ÿ˜€


  9. *uncorked says:

    I love spicy food, but am a little afraid of being sick for most of my trip! I'm sure it will be fine though. It looks like I may be going in November which sounds like a good time to be over there. Nothing is set in stone yet, but I'm keeping my fingers crossed!


  10. Sreya says:

    @ V

    You may catch a little cold, it is almost inevitable! But do hope it stays away from you!

    But it'll be really good to read how you find my country! Surely, you'll blog about that, on my request, please! ๐Ÿ˜€



  11. Hmm…I'm not a typical Indian and have never been one. In fact, I refer to myself as the most 'UnIndian Indian'. I think I've wanted to get out since I was young. Having said that, I do not refer to others as 'typical Indians' or look down at them if they don't want to go overseas. Each one to his own ๐Ÿ™‚


  12. Tirtha says:

    i guess the wannabe's wont be back here for sure! ๐Ÿ˜›
    and as for myself, i m really glad to be an Indian and a typical one too! why claim to be different..that takes u nowhere..u become a non-identity!


  13. Guria says:

    Look who's back!!!

    See, I am jumping up n down!!



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